Strange Thoughts from the Sleepy Zone
Actually, I can't call the things in my head right now thoughts. They feel rather like the mental equivalent of gum-chewing - something to put in my mind when I don't have anything *real* to work on, that keeps it busy and makes it feel like it's doing something, without any of the actual progress, usefulness, or sustenance of actual nourishment, just back and forth in place over and over.
I know that I have a lot to think about, and that this was an interesting weekend, and that there are realizations to be made about myself, my social circle, and my place within it, but right now I don't have the cognitive capacity to actually move beyond that awareness. Any attempts to do so are met with 'hmm, yeah, I should think about that,' and nothing more.
Intercon was.... different, this year. A lot of people I usually expect to see weren't there, and a lot of people who were there I didn't know. And of the people I knew, the ones I spent time with weren't the ones I expected to, and vice-versa. Conversations I had expected to have wound up never happening, conversations I hadn't expected to have wound up happening extensively and energetically, and a lot of people said things I hadn't expected to hear. I *think* it was all good, but it's being filtered through fatigue and frames of perspective that I'm not sure are reliable at this point.
I know this is a bunch of babbling that is probably meaningless to anyone who isn't me - I'm not sure that it'll be meaningful to me, even, after a night with more than three hours of sleep - but it feels important to write down, at this moment. People are aware of me, even when I assume they're not, and that's something I've never really managed to internalize. And it would seem that this has implications, but I can't grasp what they are at the moment.
On a related, and possibly causative note, I do need to learn how to balance my all-consuming need to dance until the DJ turns on the lights and rolls up the floor with my need for more than three hours of sleep at a time, at least if I wish to avoid the inevitable plummet from silly-sleepy into cranky-paranoid-sleepy and, eventually, stupid-sleepy.
Oh, yeah. Good con, good games, good dancing, good friends. Whatever differences may or may not have triggered the churning of my self-analysis, that is still absolutely and unquestionably true.
I know that I have a lot to think about, and that this was an interesting weekend, and that there are realizations to be made about myself, my social circle, and my place within it, but right now I don't have the cognitive capacity to actually move beyond that awareness. Any attempts to do so are met with 'hmm, yeah, I should think about that,' and nothing more.
Intercon was.... different, this year. A lot of people I usually expect to see weren't there, and a lot of people who were there I didn't know. And of the people I knew, the ones I spent time with weren't the ones I expected to, and vice-versa. Conversations I had expected to have wound up never happening, conversations I hadn't expected to have wound up happening extensively and energetically, and a lot of people said things I hadn't expected to hear. I *think* it was all good, but it's being filtered through fatigue and frames of perspective that I'm not sure are reliable at this point.
I know this is a bunch of babbling that is probably meaningless to anyone who isn't me - I'm not sure that it'll be meaningful to me, even, after a night with more than three hours of sleep - but it feels important to write down, at this moment. People are aware of me, even when I assume they're not, and that's something I've never really managed to internalize. And it would seem that this has implications, but I can't grasp what they are at the moment.
On a related, and possibly causative note, I do need to learn how to balance my all-consuming need to dance until the DJ turns on the lights and rolls up the floor with my need for more than three hours of sleep at a time, at least if I wish to avoid the inevitable plummet from silly-sleepy into cranky-paranoid-sleepy and, eventually, stupid-sleepy.
Oh, yeah. Good con, good games, good dancing, good friends. Whatever differences may or may not have triggered the churning of my self-analysis, that is still absolutely and unquestionably true.