Brains Are Fascinating
Doing something for the first time is always hard. The most fascinating thing to me, though, is the fact that whatever First you happen to be experiencing or anticipating at the moment is always the hardest, no matter what other Firsts you've survived before.
Right now, my car is packed full of props and manila envelopes and printouts for the first LARP I've ever written. It'll be running in about 12 hours. And while my rational brain knows that it's just a game, and that I've survived worse, my panic button has been pressed, and pressed hard.
And nothing that I can tell myself will calm it down. No matter what else I can think of, right now this is the biggest, hardest, scariest, most important thing I have ever done.
I've tried talking myself down, telling myself this is unreasonable. I've had other, bigger, badder firsts. The first time I amputated a dog's leg, for crying out loud - that was a big deal, wasn't it? The first time I performed on-stage with the Boston Babydolls, with a live animal partner and no one to teach me what was expected, and an audience much bigger than the cast of this game. The first time I moved halfway across the country, leaving everyone and everything I knew 800 miles behind.
Nope, says my panic-brain. None of those can even hold a candle to the enormity of this current crisis.
Clearly, my panic-brain is stupid.
However, it's also quite clearly holding the reins right now. On the other hand, if experience means anything, my rational brain will grab control somewhere about 42 seconds prior to Event Start. And, no matter what, by tomorrow morning this will all be over. Right now, though, I think I need to pace aimlessly around the house and fret about what I might be forgetting some more....
Right now, my car is packed full of props and manila envelopes and printouts for the first LARP I've ever written. It'll be running in about 12 hours. And while my rational brain knows that it's just a game, and that I've survived worse, my panic button has been pressed, and pressed hard.
And nothing that I can tell myself will calm it down. No matter what else I can think of, right now this is the biggest, hardest, scariest, most important thing I have ever done.
I've tried talking myself down, telling myself this is unreasonable. I've had other, bigger, badder firsts. The first time I amputated a dog's leg, for crying out loud - that was a big deal, wasn't it? The first time I performed on-stage with the Boston Babydolls, with a live animal partner and no one to teach me what was expected, and an audience much bigger than the cast of this game. The first time I moved halfway across the country, leaving everyone and everything I knew 800 miles behind.
Nope, says my panic-brain. None of those can even hold a candle to the enormity of this current crisis.
Clearly, my panic-brain is stupid.
However, it's also quite clearly holding the reins right now. On the other hand, if experience means anything, my rational brain will grab control somewhere about 42 seconds prior to Event Start. And, no matter what, by tomorrow morning this will all be over. Right now, though, I think I need to pace aimlessly around the house and fret about what I might be forgetting some more....