Six Hours In

Day one of taking a month for myself, and so far I'm managing to stick to my promise. So far. More or less.

I woke up at 6:30am, of course, in a panic about having forgotten a minor detail at work yesterday. Luckily for me, though, umbran happened to be awake too, and turned what could have been a miserable and disastrous start to the day into something much better.

Then there were bagels and eggs for breakfast, and an amazing and intense workout that pushed the edges of my ability - I know that doesn't necessarily sound like fun, but I've found more than anything, my body and mind are happiest when I can feel them *both* working. I painted my toenails an alarming shade of sparkly red in anticipation of finally getting to wear sandals, too. I don't get to wear pretty shoes at work, and one of the things I'm most looking forward to about having time off in warm weather is stretching my toes in strappy sandals.

Now I've got a cake in the oven, and I'm waiting for it to finish cooking and my hair to dry (long hot showers; another luxury I've missed) before running out for a browse-through at the garden store. It's too early to buy seedlings, but not too early for seeds, and for planning. And then off to a party for the evening.

Right now, at least, I'm enjoying this. The hardest part was fielding an email this morning from the agent I book some of my relief work through. She has some last-minute requests for work this month, and wanted to know if I had any availability. And... technically, I do. I'm only working four or five days a week this month, and there's a panicked, hysterical part of my brain that keeps shouting that I *can* work more, and I should, and I owe it to our family to work as much as I can, earn as much as I can, that I'm sabotaging us and being selfish and lazy by refusing work. But I also know how miserable I've been, and that if I keep going at this pace I'm going to fall apart Real Soon Now.

So. No booking extra dates. No six day weeks. I am going to relax and enjoy myself, goddamnit.

Fifteen minutes until the cake is done. My rhododendrons and lilies of the valleys are blooming. I'm wearing a cute new skirt, I have my battered and much-loved copy of 'Gone With the Wind' to keep me company for the next little while (I'm just at the part where Will Benteen shows up; no Rhett Butler goodness for another hundred pages or so, but that just gives me something to look forward to), and then outside into the sunshine.

At least I picked a gorgeous time of year to do this....