ladysprite (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladysprite) wrote2011-10-13 10:39 pm
ladysprite) wrote2011-10-13 10:39 pm
Healing
I'm not quite sure I understand the priorities of my career. I love what I do, and I don't think I could ever be happy doing anything else. And I know that part of being a vet means being dedicated, and willing to make sacrifices, and to prioritize your profession well above many other things in your life. But there comes a point where that attitude becomes toxic, and actively dangerous.
For instance, when you have bronchitis, and are running a fever, and coughing up scary stuff, and it hurts to breathe, and you have to go in to work anyway. I understand that clients are depending on me, and sick animals need to be seen, but I wasn't doing anyone any favors working in that condition. I wasn't thinking clearly, I wasn't efficient, I wasn't being a good doctor. I was, though, probably sharing my illness with each and every coworker, and possibly a few clients.
There's an attitude in my profession - probably in most professions, to be honest, but I can only speak to what I know - that suffering, working harder, putting in more hours, makes you somehow better. More dedicated. That you Care More About Your Patients. And that wanting to take care of yourself, or have a life outside of the office, means that you're not truly devoted to your profession, and that you don't care enough. Admittedly, this attitude is more prevalent among the Old Guard, but it's still there in my generation, and it has a tendency to escalate. One doctor comes in early, or stays late, or checks in on their day off, and suddenly everyone else has to do the same to prove that they're just as hardcore, and so then it becomes a war of who can showily do more questionably necessary work.
And it's hard to deal with, because you're in the race even if you don't choose to enter it yourself - you can't choose not to play. I do my best not to care, not to escalate, because I've learned that I put enough stress on myself as it is, and I need to have some life and some time for myself, but it's frustrating, and it's ultimately impossible to avoid completely. When everyone does something, and you're the only one who doesn't, it shows and it becomes unacceptable.
I'm not quite sure what to do about it. There's part of me that says I should set a good example by putting my own health at a priority, but at the same time I worry about losing work - as a relief vet, I won't get hired back if I'm not reliable. It's a tough balance to hit, and I'm not sure what the answer to the question is....
For instance, when you have bronchitis, and are running a fever, and coughing up scary stuff, and it hurts to breathe, and you have to go in to work anyway. I understand that clients are depending on me, and sick animals need to be seen, but I wasn't doing anyone any favors working in that condition. I wasn't thinking clearly, I wasn't efficient, I wasn't being a good doctor. I was, though, probably sharing my illness with each and every coworker, and possibly a few clients.
There's an attitude in my profession - probably in most professions, to be honest, but I can only speak to what I know - that suffering, working harder, putting in more hours, makes you somehow better. More dedicated. That you Care More About Your Patients. And that wanting to take care of yourself, or have a life outside of the office, means that you're not truly devoted to your profession, and that you don't care enough. Admittedly, this attitude is more prevalent among the Old Guard, but it's still there in my generation, and it has a tendency to escalate. One doctor comes in early, or stays late, or checks in on their day off, and suddenly everyone else has to do the same to prove that they're just as hardcore, and so then it becomes a war of who can showily do more questionably necessary work.
And it's hard to deal with, because you're in the race even if you don't choose to enter it yourself - you can't choose not to play. I do my best not to care, not to escalate, because I've learned that I put enough stress on myself as it is, and I need to have some life and some time for myself, but it's frustrating, and it's ultimately impossible to avoid completely. When everyone does something, and you're the only one who doesn't, it shows and it becomes unacceptable.
I'm not quite sure what to do about it. There's part of me that says I should set a good example by putting my own health at a priority, but at the same time I worry about losing work - as a relief vet, I won't get hired back if I'm not reliable. It's a tough balance to hit, and I'm not sure what the answer to the question is....
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