ladysprite (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladysprite) wrote2012-07-15 12:06 am
ladysprite) wrote2012-07-15 12:06 am
Entry tags:
Continuations
Casey, are you here?
I don't know where you are, or even if you read this thing anymore. No one has heard from you in like a year or more. Even after they pulled you out of school, I still saw you around for a while, but then you just vanished one day and no one will tell us where you went or what happened. And there are so many things I wanted to tell you, and on top of that stuff has gotten kind of weird here, and I could really use my best friend right now.
I'm sorry to hijack your blog like this, but I don't know how else to reach you. Besides, if you didn't want me to do this, you really should have changed your password sometime between seventh grade and now. And I guess I'm not really that sorry, since this might maybe let me get my words out to you.
There are so many things I wanted to say to you, Casey. I just never got the chance to. Either the time wasn't right, or the time was there but I couldn't find the words, or I was just too damn much of a coward, or something else interrupted, and look at me even now I'm spilling out words like a volcano erupting just trying to find a way to avoid saying any of them.
I never told you I had the 'Phage too. Yeah, how unlikely was that? Don't worry, I didn't catch it from you - if anything, I think looking at what you wrote that I had it before you did. Mine just progressed slower. They think I got it from working at PetSmart, since apparently I'm a genuine, bona-fido dog girl. (That's the closest I can come to humor. It's better than 'life's a bitch and so am I,' at least.) I wanted to tell you, I swear, but my mom was just so ashamed - I think she still believes I did this as a personal attack on her, to make the family look bad - that she made me hide it. And you know how good we are at hiding things in our family.
Anyway, for the longest time it just meant that I either had to spend all my allowance on Nair, or suck it up and wear long-sleeved shirts all the time.
And, well, you know why I had to do that most of the time anyway, too. But I'm not here to talk about that, or him.
Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that you weren't alone, and that it isn't always bad like it was for you. The 'Phage, I mean. I'm sorry your transformation was so painful and so rough, but it doesn't always have to be like that. I thought that might make you feel better. Growing fur doesn't hurt at all, and it's kind of soft and pretty, and it feels a little bit like velvet. And for the longest time - like a year or two - that's all I had.
I guess I'll admit things got tougher last year when it spread to my face. It's not quite Bride of Wolfman bad, and it hurt a little, but really it's no more than I already knew how to deal with. And I can smell so much now, and it's amazingly cool to be able to sense this whole secret world that no one else even knows is there. And it twisted my back and my arms a little, but at the same time, I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I never had the chance to tell you how good the Ocean County Arboretum smells in May after it rains.
I never had the chance to tell you that you should have said thank you to your mom when she took you to the doctor that first time. You never realized how lucky you were, that she wanted to help you make it through your change. Not that it didn't suck, I'll grant you that. But your mom is pretty cool, and she's been kind of a mess since you took off.
I never had the chance to tell you that they've set up a 'Phage research center about 20 miles from here. The doctors there are majorly creepy - not in a 'Show me on the hideously disfigured Frankensteinian doll where the man in the white coat touched you' creepy, but still.... I'd feel a lot better about my sessions there if I had someone to go with. Don't worry, though; I swear if you write back I'll never tell them where you are. I could never betray you.
I never had the chance to tell you how beautiful you were. Even before you transformed. You were always trying so hard to hide, but I never understood how you could even think that was possible. You talk about how you became a daffodil in the middle of the lawn? There was no becoming, chica - you always were.
I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you.
I hope you're safe, wherever you are. I hope you're happy, and that the sky is wide and the breezes carry you far, far away from this stupid town and all its toxic baggage, and that you've found some way to be at peace with every part of yourself. But I hope you think about me sometimes, and that you look here once in a while. And if you do - please, tell me you're okay?
Love,
Lauren
(has Becky gone completely mad? Not quite - check out the backstory here, here, here, and here.....
I don't know where you are, or even if you read this thing anymore. No one has heard from you in like a year or more. Even after they pulled you out of school, I still saw you around for a while, but then you just vanished one day and no one will tell us where you went or what happened. And there are so many things I wanted to tell you, and on top of that stuff has gotten kind of weird here, and I could really use my best friend right now.
I'm sorry to hijack your blog like this, but I don't know how else to reach you. Besides, if you didn't want me to do this, you really should have changed your password sometime between seventh grade and now. And I guess I'm not really that sorry, since this might maybe let me get my words out to you.
There are so many things I wanted to say to you, Casey. I just never got the chance to. Either the time wasn't right, or the time was there but I couldn't find the words, or I was just too damn much of a coward, or something else interrupted, and look at me even now I'm spilling out words like a volcano erupting just trying to find a way to avoid saying any of them.
I never told you I had the 'Phage too. Yeah, how unlikely was that? Don't worry, I didn't catch it from you - if anything, I think looking at what you wrote that I had it before you did. Mine just progressed slower. They think I got it from working at PetSmart, since apparently I'm a genuine, bona-fido dog girl. (That's the closest I can come to humor. It's better than 'life's a bitch and so am I,' at least.) I wanted to tell you, I swear, but my mom was just so ashamed - I think she still believes I did this as a personal attack on her, to make the family look bad - that she made me hide it. And you know how good we are at hiding things in our family.
Anyway, for the longest time it just meant that I either had to spend all my allowance on Nair, or suck it up and wear long-sleeved shirts all the time.
And, well, you know why I had to do that most of the time anyway, too. But I'm not here to talk about that, or him.
Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that you weren't alone, and that it isn't always bad like it was for you. The 'Phage, I mean. I'm sorry your transformation was so painful and so rough, but it doesn't always have to be like that. I thought that might make you feel better. Growing fur doesn't hurt at all, and it's kind of soft and pretty, and it feels a little bit like velvet. And for the longest time - like a year or two - that's all I had.
I guess I'll admit things got tougher last year when it spread to my face. It's not quite Bride of Wolfman bad, and it hurt a little, but really it's no more than I already knew how to deal with. And I can smell so much now, and it's amazingly cool to be able to sense this whole secret world that no one else even knows is there. And it twisted my back and my arms a little, but at the same time, I'm stronger than I ever thought I could be.
I never had the chance to tell you how good the Ocean County Arboretum smells in May after it rains.
I never had the chance to tell you that you should have said thank you to your mom when she took you to the doctor that first time. You never realized how lucky you were, that she wanted to help you make it through your change. Not that it didn't suck, I'll grant you that. But your mom is pretty cool, and she's been kind of a mess since you took off.
I never had the chance to tell you that they've set up a 'Phage research center about 20 miles from here. The doctors there are majorly creepy - not in a 'Show me on the hideously disfigured Frankensteinian doll where the man in the white coat touched you' creepy, but still.... I'd feel a lot better about my sessions there if I had someone to go with. Don't worry, though; I swear if you write back I'll never tell them where you are. I could never betray you.
I never had the chance to tell you how beautiful you were. Even before you transformed. You were always trying so hard to hide, but I never understood how you could even think that was possible. You talk about how you became a daffodil in the middle of the lawn? There was no becoming, chica - you always were.
I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you.
I hope you're safe, wherever you are. I hope you're happy, and that the sky is wide and the breezes carry you far, far away from this stupid town and all its toxic baggage, and that you've found some way to be at peace with every part of yourself. But I hope you think about me sometimes, and that you look here once in a while. And if you do - please, tell me you're okay?
Love,
Lauren
(has Becky gone completely mad? Not quite - check out the backstory here, here, here, and here.....