Why I Keep Going

[ladysprite]

So I've been going through some rough stuff lately, and it's been taking a while to get better. Which is a nice way of saying.... it really hasn't been getting better. And so I woke up today pretty much the same way I have for the past almost-month - nauseated, nightmare-shaken, and sincerely wishing I could just cease existing instead of facing the day. But I had a house call to get to, so up and out with me.

And then I got to the house - this was a follow-up on one of my chronic cases. And the kid who opened the door greeted me with a huge smile and 'HI DOCTOR BECKY!' (said kid wants to be a vet, and gets very excited when I let them try on my stethoscope and help with exams). And the dog trotted up to me wagging its tail. And the other kid insisted on showing me his new Star Wars bag that looks JUST LIKE my doctor bag, and the family insisted on sending me home with a handful of homemade chocolate chip cookies that they were prepping for the brunch they were hosting in a few hours, and I remembered for a little while why I do this thing that I do.

Whatever else good or bad I can say about my life, or the world... I am unbearably, unbelievably lucky in the work I have fallen into.

Comments

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

It will be done - if you've seen my recent LJ, you know why it didn't happen this weekend. Tonight, I hope, or tomorrow. I love you, too, darlin'.

(Updated: done on Wednesday and a report was mailed to your gmail address. I'm mentioning it here just in case it sends notifications to another e-mail address, and you hadn't checked gmail in a few days. I'm now feeling a bit nervous - I'm not trying to prod you to respond, a response wasn't required, you have no reason to feel badly over not, *but* my own baggage made me nervous that maybe you hadn't see it.)

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I didn't answer sooner - I did get it; I'm just.... honestly? Dealing with a full-fledged nervous breakdown. My therapist pulled me out of work and put me on more-or-less house arrest because I fell apart badly enough to be completely non-functional. It's taken me most of a week to get back to a point where I can do much beyond lie on the couch and cry; and this is all to do with stuff that you ran into on your journey.

I'm working through it; I just need a little more time to process what you wrote. Thank you, though; it will be incredibly helpful when I'm ready....