ladysprite (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladysprite) wrote2004-04-21 04:57 pm
ladysprite) wrote2004-04-21 04:57 pm
Physician, Heal Thyself
It's not fair. I'm a veterinarian, I fix people's critters all day long. Mine aren't supposed to get sick. Or if they do, it's supposed to be a minor inconvenience - I know what I'm doing, I can just toss them in the car on the way to work, figure out the problem on my lunch break, and have them better by the end of the day. I solve problems like this for a living.
So when my cat stopped eating on Sunday, I thought... no big deal. He probably ate something with excessive non-food content, I'll hustle him into the office the next morning, snap a quick x-ray, figure a solution. Worst-case scenario, my coworker will cut him open and take out the offending item. Better before it's even really started.
Except the x-rays were pretty much normal. So was the bloodwork. So was the physical exam. I had my most trusted colleague double-check me, just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. And we started on what the profession refers to as 'conservative treatment,' which is doctor-speak for 'we're just going to shotgun this because we don't know what's wrong.'
And he's still not better. I've run every test I can think of. I've tried tasty foods. I've tried vitamin supplements. I've tried acupuncture. I've tried yelling and crying and telling him that I'm a doctor and he's supposed to be better damnit, and none of it is working. And the worst part is that I don't know what's wrong.
If he had cancer, I could come to terms with it. If he had an intestinal obstruction, I could fix it. If he had a broken back, or a rare metabolic disorder, or massive organ failure, I would at least know what was going on and what, if anything, I could do to help. But... I have no idea what's wrong, and so I don't know if there's something I should or could be doing that would make everything better. And while I know that animal medicine is like this sometimes, I can't help thinking that if I can't fix my own pet, what good am I? I can't make him better, and I can't face going on without him, and I can't face myself knowing that I may be letting him suffer.
I'm being hideously melodramatic and overbearingly freakish about this, I know. He is getting better, slowly - he ate almost half his food today, and took a little treat. And healing isn't instantaneous, as I tell at least three clients a day. It's different when it's my baby, though. And until about a week after he's completely healed, I'll still be running around in a frenzy. And if he doesn't get better....
I don't want to think about that.
So when my cat stopped eating on Sunday, I thought... no big deal. He probably ate something with excessive non-food content, I'll hustle him into the office the next morning, snap a quick x-ray, figure a solution. Worst-case scenario, my coworker will cut him open and take out the offending item. Better before it's even really started.
Except the x-rays were pretty much normal. So was the bloodwork. So was the physical exam. I had my most trusted colleague double-check me, just to make sure I wasn't missing anything. And we started on what the profession refers to as 'conservative treatment,' which is doctor-speak for 'we're just going to shotgun this because we don't know what's wrong.'
And he's still not better. I've run every test I can think of. I've tried tasty foods. I've tried vitamin supplements. I've tried acupuncture. I've tried yelling and crying and telling him that I'm a doctor and he's supposed to be better damnit, and none of it is working. And the worst part is that I don't know what's wrong.
If he had cancer, I could come to terms with it. If he had an intestinal obstruction, I could fix it. If he had a broken back, or a rare metabolic disorder, or massive organ failure, I would at least know what was going on and what, if anything, I could do to help. But... I have no idea what's wrong, and so I don't know if there's something I should or could be doing that would make everything better. And while I know that animal medicine is like this sometimes, I can't help thinking that if I can't fix my own pet, what good am I? I can't make him better, and I can't face going on without him, and I can't face myself knowing that I may be letting him suffer.
I'm being hideously melodramatic and overbearingly freakish about this, I know. He is getting better, slowly - he ate almost half his food today, and took a little treat. And healing isn't instantaneous, as I tell at least three clients a day. It's different when it's my baby, though. And until about a week after he's completely healed, I'll still be running around in a frenzy. And if he doesn't get better....
I don't want to think about that.
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Oh. Oh, that's got to be awfully distressing. Feeling helpless is bad enough, but feeling helpless in one's own specialty must be its own particular variety of hell.
I offer sincere hopes for your cat's recovery and wellbeing, and your state of mind.
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((hugs))
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Alternative and complementary medicine are becoming pretty popular for animals as well as people, and one of my coworkers is in the middle of a course on acupuncture. So she's eager to try it whenever possible, and I've seen it work enough times that I was more than happy to let her try.
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I guess this must be what parents feel like when a child has a mysterious illness and they're helpless to prevent it. And if those parents are doctors like you (yeah, maybe I'm carrying the whole child/pet thing a little far, but you know what I mean.)
Anyway, it's no wonder you're freaking out. *hug* Wish I could help - I'll have to settle for sending healing thoughts his way.
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Now - I have a professional question for you - may I ask your advice on pointers for a very important upcomin vet's visit? If so I'll do it through private e-mail.
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By all means, feel free to ask. I don't know if I'll be able to help, but I'm more than willing to try. :) Email me, and I'll tell you what I can.
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