ladysprite (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ladysprite) wrote2002-02-11 06:50 am
ladysprite) wrote2002-02-11 06:50 am
Entry tags:
Preparing for the day
What do you do when your world turns, if not quite upside down, at least decidedly skewed from where it should be?
What do you do when something absurd and ridiculous and wrong happens, and you can't tell anyone about it?
I want to cry and sulk and wait for a grownup to come and fix everything. I want to vomit until I can see the lining of my stomach. I want to crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head and fall asleep, and wake up in the real world where this could never have happened.
I want to tell people, make it real and tangible and dealable by letting everyone see it, and tell me I'll be okay. I want to be able to not worry about it, to have faith that it'll all amount to nothing.
But I can't.
So, I'll take a deep breath and swallow my sobs and screams, and hope I don't choke on them. I'll polish my smile and widen my eyes and put on my doctor-face, and practice looking cheerful.
'Good morning, how are you today?'
'Great! Oh, me? I'm fine. Just a little tired. Long day yesterday. Noone pulled the carpet of reality out from under my rug-burned feet, nope. I'm just tired.
'I'll be fine.'
What do you do when something absurd and ridiculous and wrong happens, and you can't tell anyone about it?
I want to cry and sulk and wait for a grownup to come and fix everything. I want to vomit until I can see the lining of my stomach. I want to crawl back into my bed and pull the covers over my head and fall asleep, and wake up in the real world where this could never have happened.
I want to tell people, make it real and tangible and dealable by letting everyone see it, and tell me I'll be okay. I want to be able to not worry about it, to have faith that it'll all amount to nothing.
But I can't.
So, I'll take a deep breath and swallow my sobs and screams, and hope I don't choke on them. I'll polish my smile and widen my eyes and put on my doctor-face, and practice looking cheerful.
'Good morning, how are you today?'
'Great! Oh, me? I'm fine. Just a little tired. Long day yesterday. Noone pulled the carpet of reality out from under my rug-burned feet, nope. I'm just tired.
'I'll be fine.'
no subject
Can I make a suggestion? Write it up in a private (your eyes only) entry. Then at least you'll have the details there for yourself later when they've faded... Records of earth-shattering events are important.
no subject
There are serious legal reasons for me not to talk about this. If and when it's done, I'll be able to explain, I hope. Right now I just needed to vent, and to be reminded that not *everyone* in the world is against me....