New Relationship Woes

[ladysprite]

I've been with these people for over a month now. We've seen each other more days than not, gossiped together, shared jokes and secrets and advice and opinions. I've done my best to encourage bonding over common interests, and to convince them that, while I'm slightly kooky and outside the mainstream, I really am a sane and likeable person. But eventually, in all relationships, the Scary Point comes. My coworkers are realizing that I'm a Fannish SCAdian Roleplaying SF Geek.

I thought I could be subtle about it at first - it's easy to pass Arisia off as a 'gathering of friends,' or a vague reunion-like event. And I avoided going into detail on my weekly dance classes; just mentioning that I do historic dance is usually enough to convince anyone to change the subject. The only person even vaguely interested was the office Ren Faire junkie, and she was appeased with a response of 'Yeah, kinda like that.'

But it infiltrates my life at all levels, and eventually it's not possible to continue hiding, especially for someone like myself who breaks out in hives at the thought of actually lying. Questions about how I met my husband eventually push to the revelation that he was the GM for my first AD&D game in college. The paperbacks in my purse always manage to have unicorns or werewolves on the covers. And I can't help but enthuse about my latest foray into teaching dance for the Greatest Commedia dell'Arte Troupe in the Entire World.

Unfortunately, while my quirkiness has been tolerated and even occasionally seen as charming in other workplaces, I think they're going to take a little while to get used to it here. Flat stares, tiny smirks, and the eternally annoying question of, 'So, like, do you, like, dress up? In, like, costumes, and stuff?' delivered in the same tone that one might ask a person if they had sex with household appliances were the majority of my experience yesterday when it slipped out in chatting that I do historic reenactment.

I think they'll learn to handle it. But something tells me that I should keep the live-action roleplaying and late-night trips to Man Ray under my hat for now....

Comments

[siderea]

Unfortunately, while my quirkiness has been tolerated and even occasionally seen as charming in other workplaces, I think they're going to take a little while to get used to it here. Flat stares, tiny smirks, and the eternally annoying question of, 'So, like, do you, like, dress up? In, like, costumes, and stuff?' delivered in the same tone that one might ask a person if they had sex with household appliances were the majority of my experience yesterday when it slipped out in chatting that I do historic reenactment.

Ah, yes. I feel your pain. I have necessarily been explaining to classmates that one of my professional populations of interest is, basically, people who have sex with household appliances. :)

There are people in the world who expect that one of the benefits of adulthood is to be able to share condescention about certain things. They're almost not fussy about which things, though if they've settled down on one set, they get put out if they have to change. Mostly it's that they feel entitled to sneer about something, because they enjoy sneering and feeling superior.

My approach is to be unrepentant and willing to share. Being undefensive and happy to chat about one's hobby tends to throw such people off their stride. It's a form of not playing along with their condescension game. If one doesn't return defensiveness to their condescension, often they are taken aback and wonder if they've misstepped.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Yes, exactly. Or sometimes condescending back, if they've said something of truly extraordinary inanity. Explaining something that would be reasonably obvious given 3 seconds' thought, using the patient sort of voice with which one explains reality to a 3-year-old, can put them completely off their game.

[siderea]

I have to disagree: condescending back is generally read as being defensive.

[jducoeur]

My approach is to be unrepentant and willing to share. Being undefensive and happy to chat about one's hobby tends to throw such people off their stride.

Yaas; moreover, it tends to defuse the condescension before it can begin -- they're too confused to condescend initially, and it's too awkward after that.

My co-workers begin to figure out that I'm strange on certain days -- for example, the second Monday of the month, when I leave work in a tuxedo. They look at me a bit strangely, smile, I wave goodbye on my way out, and the next day they come up to me and say, "Huh?" And frankly, once they've internalized the notion that I'm a Freemason, the doublet and short pants for the SCA demo just doesn't seem so odd...