Weighty issues
Fatigue has a weight to it, even though it has no physical presence.
Emotions may feel heavy, but that feeling is entirely internal - depression, anger, apathy all can lay like lead upon my mind, but the important fact there is that they *are* in my mind. It's a combination of inertia and lack of will to move that leaves me passive in those situations.
Fatigue, though, reads to all the cells in my body as an external force. My mind is slow, but still working, and I'm still open to the full range of emotions that always seem to paint my life in such vibrant colors. But weights have been strapped to my wrists and hips and ankles, until even typing this is only possible as long as I don't have to lift my wrists from the desk. Even my eyelids, tiny scraps of flesh so small that they normally don't even register as existing to my body's sensors, seem to weigh so much that I'm struggling to hold them up. If only the pressure of words behind my fingertips weren't forceful enough to overcome the sleepiness that sits on top of me.... unfortunately, I have a deep suspicion that I'm not being nearly as eloquent as I feel, and that if I read these words in the morning, their profoundness will be gone, replaced by mere blibbering wordiness. This is the peril of posting while suffering from a post-larp sleep deprivation hangover.
Well, the other peril is that of falling into the clicky-zone, where my hand (happily having found a resting place halfway between keyboard and mouse) navigates cheerfully back and forth over page after page of friends' posts and mailing groups and solitaire games while my mind slowly drifts into blankness, with no real comprehension of the pretty colors on the screen, until my husband comes to shake me out of the hypnotic trance I've managed to fall into.....
Emotions may feel heavy, but that feeling is entirely internal - depression, anger, apathy all can lay like lead upon my mind, but the important fact there is that they *are* in my mind. It's a combination of inertia and lack of will to move that leaves me passive in those situations.
Fatigue, though, reads to all the cells in my body as an external force. My mind is slow, but still working, and I'm still open to the full range of emotions that always seem to paint my life in such vibrant colors. But weights have been strapped to my wrists and hips and ankles, until even typing this is only possible as long as I don't have to lift my wrists from the desk. Even my eyelids, tiny scraps of flesh so small that they normally don't even register as existing to my body's sensors, seem to weigh so much that I'm struggling to hold them up. If only the pressure of words behind my fingertips weren't forceful enough to overcome the sleepiness that sits on top of me.... unfortunately, I have a deep suspicion that I'm not being nearly as eloquent as I feel, and that if I read these words in the morning, their profoundness will be gone, replaced by mere blibbering wordiness. This is the peril of posting while suffering from a post-larp sleep deprivation hangover.
Well, the other peril is that of falling into the clicky-zone, where my hand (happily having found a resting place halfway between keyboard and mouse) navigates cheerfully back and forth over page after page of friends' posts and mailing groups and solitaire games while my mind slowly drifts into blankness, with no real comprehension of the pretty colors on the screen, until my husband comes to shake me out of the hypnotic trance I've managed to fall into.....