Bluh

[ladysprite]

I am so tired.

I am tired deep in my bone marrow. My feet are tired, my joints are tired, even my hair is tired. My tired is tired.

I'm not doing anything except working, and coming home. I'm not even working an abnormal amount. But I feel like I've had every drop of life wrung out of me, and then been beaten against lumpy rocks to pummel out anything left.

And no matter what I do, I can't even make myself feel good about my work. I've been diagnosing complicated cases, winning over difficult clients, and trekking through twelve-hour days with no breaks, and still all I feel is scared. Afraid that I'm not good enough, that the clinics aren't going to want me back, that I'm not practicing the quality of medicine they want in their hospital and that they're never going to hire me again.

I wish I knew why.

My feet hurt.

I want a hug, and a teddy bear, and.... I don't know what else. External proof of my competence, maybe.

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I can offer a hug.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you...

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

They know you're a good doctor.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you....

So when are you coming back to the Boston area? :)

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

I don't know when I'll be back to the Boston area.

When are you coming up to the Ottawa area? :)

I'm having a really nice cottage party the weekend of June 30th-July 3rd. :)

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

You are still recovering from surgery. Yes, even if you can walk and stuff, even if you've been cleared for a full work schedule. Surgery takes a HUGE chunk out of your reserves, and it takes quite a while to build them back up again. At this point it sounds as though you've got enough spoons to get thru a normal-load workday, but not much more than that -- hence the "get home and collapse" feeling.

The odds are excellent that you'll start having more energy in the next month or so, as the reserves come back up to a more normal level. Until then, take care of yourself, rest when you need to, and try not to let the physical blahs drag you down emotionally.

And until then, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

What starcat_jewel said.

[lakshmi-amman.livejournal.com]

Ditto. Surgery takes a while to bounce back from. And your body does a whole "what the heck?" thing that can really mess with your head.

*hugs* You are cool and you do good work.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Thirded, that's what I was going to say too... try to give yourself some slack.

[surakofb5.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

It's going to be okay. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but it will be okay. You're good at what you do, and the rest will sort itself out.

*HUGS*

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Darlin', when you're that tired, it's hard to feel positive about *anything*. In fact, it's pretty darn normal not to feel positive about anything, except rest.

It might not be a bad idea to do a depression assessment and think about when you last felt more positive about things, just so you know where you are, whether you feel like talking to a doctor about it or not. It could be that you're just feeling bad about work because you're tired; it could be that you're tired because you're depressed.

Take care of yourself, and remember that I, and many others, love you dearly.

[anandi15.livejournal.com]

hear's a question where you on pain meds for the surgery and are now off them?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Nope. They gave me Vicodin, but I think I only took one, the day after the surgery. The ice packs were enough that I wasn't really in a lot of pain...

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

the tired and pain is probably because your knee prevented you from working this kind of schedule - for long enough that you're no longer used to it.

um...i can't offer you proof, but i believe that you're competent!

also, i have a terrible fantasy book for you.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

**tighthugs**

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

I think you will find that rest, hugs (lots of those sent), and time will take care of all the problems. Healing is a slow process, and surgery is a major insult to the body, even when necessary for that body to function. It will get better.
Everyone, but you, knows you are very good at what you do.

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

Now I don't know whether cancelling our dinner is a good thing (because you're so tired) or a bad thing (leaving you feeling lonelier). (gyzki-as-Glynda: "Are you a Good Thing or a Bad Thing?") I wish I could be there and give you a hug, and rub your feet, and show you proof of your competence, but I can't tonight. I'll do some of those on Sunday, and more when we do manage a date.

Have you had much exposure to Isak Dinesen?

[alexx-kay.livejournal.com]

Virtual hugs.

[fractalgeek.livejournal.com]

If nothing else a general leaves you washed out for several months. I had one for my wisdom teeth years ago, and I didn't believe it then. I'm not aware of anything that helps it be flushed sooner....

[jducoeur]

*Hug* is given virtually now, and physically the next time I see you. (And the teddy bear I'll work on.)

The external validation of your professional competence I'm not qualified to provide, but I can say that, as a layman (and occasional client) who has seen a bit of your work, I certainly think you're good at it...

[wcg.livejournal.com]

*hugggggg*

[wren13.livejournal.com]

Ha, I can tell you you're competent, I just need you to listen ;-) Everyone is quite right, surgery takes alot out of you, and you need to rest!!

[rosinavs.livejournal.com]

In terms of thinking the places you work for don't like you and won't hire you back, I go through a similar thing with almost every relationship. I hit a point where I feel like that person hates me and is upset with me and will reject me. I have to remind myself that if they're upset it may not be about me and it's probably all in my head (it usually is). If it helps, ask for an assessment of your work. You will likely find that it's all in your head. I'm no expert on vets, but you seem to a) know what you're talking about and b) genuinely care about animals, which I think are the main criteria in being a good vet.