Bluh

[ladysprite]

I am so tired.

I am tired deep in my bone marrow. My feet are tired, my joints are tired, even my hair is tired. My tired is tired.

I'm not doing anything except working, and coming home. I'm not even working an abnormal amount. But I feel like I've had every drop of life wrung out of me, and then been beaten against lumpy rocks to pummel out anything left.

And no matter what I do, I can't even make myself feel good about my work. I've been diagnosing complicated cases, winning over difficult clients, and trekking through twelve-hour days with no breaks, and still all I feel is scared. Afraid that I'm not good enough, that the clinics aren't going to want me back, that I'm not practicing the quality of medicine they want in their hospital and that they're never going to hire me again.

I wish I knew why.

My feet hurt.

I want a hug, and a teddy bear, and.... I don't know what else. External proof of my competence, maybe.

Comments

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

You are still recovering from surgery. Yes, even if you can walk and stuff, even if you've been cleared for a full work schedule. Surgery takes a HUGE chunk out of your reserves, and it takes quite a while to build them back up again. At this point it sounds as though you've got enough spoons to get thru a normal-load workday, but not much more than that -- hence the "get home and collapse" feeling.

The odds are excellent that you'll start having more energy in the next month or so, as the reserves come back up to a more normal level. Until then, take care of yourself, rest when you need to, and try not to let the physical blahs drag you down emotionally.

And until then, {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

What starcat_jewel said.

[lakshmi-amman.livejournal.com]

Ditto. Surgery takes a while to bounce back from. And your body does a whole "what the heck?" thing that can really mess with your head.

*hugs* You are cool and you do good work.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Thirded, that's what I was going to say too... try to give yourself some slack.