What I Did Today

[ladysprite]

Long-time readers of my journal will no doubt have realized by now that veterinary medicine has theme days. What I am starting to realize myself, after a few years in practice, is that there is no limit to the number of themes available. Having run through 'crazy owner day' and 'limping dog day' and 'gray-and-white constipated cats whose name begins with D' day, my personal theme collection apparently ran out of simple concepts and decided that I needed something new and exciting for today. That is the only explanation I can think of for today's theme, which was, as far as I can tell, 'Dog Butt Surprise Day.'

I like surprises. There are many good surprises that life can offer a person, and many good places to find surprises. For example, little notes from your significant other are good surprises, as are flowers. And lunchboxes, or coat pockets, or the vase on top of the television, are good places for these. However, I believe I can categorically state that under a dog's tail is never a good place to find a surprise, and that nothing you find there is going to be good.

The fact that I even need to consider this is a sign of just how glamorous my profession truly is. But when I do need to examine a dog's rear end, there is really only one thing I want to find there - and that is *not* a herniated colon. Or a plastic spoon. Or a thriving colony of maggots. By the time the last appointment of the day arrived, I was starting to feel like a rather shell-shocked contestant on Let's Make A Diagnosis. I could almost imagine a scary seventies polyester-suited game show host standing behind me in the exam room as I worked my way back from the patient's head, asking me if I wanted to stop my exam now, or go for What's In The Butt.

This should never happen again. Tomorrow needs to be Straightforward And Tidy Single-Endocrine Dysfunction Day, or Disproportionately Grateful Owners Who Bring Doughnuts Day. Or, honestly, anything but this day again.

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

And, you manage to make your horrors so amusing for your audience. We do all, surely, appreciate that. Especially not being there for that.

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

I can see the hernia; disgusting though it may be, I can see the maggots. But... a plastic spoon? How? Why?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Apparently it had tasty food on it at one time, and the dog failed to make the distinction between 'snack' and 'utensil used to carry snack.'

[hfcougar.livejournal.com]

Okay. I am relieved.

I feel terrible that the dog had to have it pass all the way through from the mouth end, but that's much better than any of the alternatives I was contemplating.

[baron-saturday.livejournal.com]

I am *so* bringing my Vet donuts next time!

[ladyqkat.livejournal.com]

Or a thriving colony of maggots.

Ewwwwwww.

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

You've definitely had a James Herriot Memorial Being-an-Exhausted-Vet-Sucks Day. All it lacked was Tristan's flippant commentary when you were done.

I hope it lacked that, at least.

Want to try for Anorexic Herps Day tomorrow?

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Grin...

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

*and the game show audience cheers as you consider your decision*
BUTT BUTT BUTT BUTT BUTT BUTT....



sorry, in my defense that was JMac's response.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'll stick with my boring case studies and surly county clerks, if you don't mind.

(Okay, the case studies are not actually boring.)

[lakshmi-amman.livejournal.com]

Oh... I'm so sorry for this day.

And yet, you had me giggling hysterically in my cube wondering how I would explain this to my bosses.

[sjo.livejournal.com]

Sounds like one helluva day. Glad you were there to help those puppies, though!

I may have to take Vera to the vet for similar reasons... she's been doing the "scooting on her butt" thing. I tremble to think what she might have gotten into...

[goldsquare.livejournal.com]

However, I believe I can categorically state that under a dog's tail is never a good place to find a surprise, and that nothing you find there is going to be good.

I think I can state with surety that I am happy to take your word for that, and will not be checking your conclusions personally any time soon.