What's Going On?

[ladysprite]

Martha's Vineyard is, quite possibly, a very small piece of heaven here on Earth. After I went to Hawaii my first thought was that, when I die, if I'm very good I'll get to go there - now, having been to the vineyard, I think that that might actually be my first choice. I'm too much of a New Englander at heart to ever be completely happy spending the rest of my life in a lush, tropical place; I need the occasional mist and chilly breeze, and the lilacs, and the rocky beaches, and the weathered wooden houses.

Not that I don't like Hawaii, and that I wouldn't be happy to spend a few months there every year, of course.

Escaping for a weekend helped a lot. The panic was still there nibbling at the back of my mind, but fresh air and walks and the smell of the ocean helped, as did the externally-enforced unplugging and pampering. I am lucky to have a handful of people in my life who will take care of me when I'm incapable of taking care of myself, for any reason.

And my hospitalized friend is slowly doing better, and umbran starts his new job today, and those are good.

And there's still stress and tension and anxiety in my world, and I'm trying to take care and be reasonable and keep myself on an even keel, as much as possible. And some people have asked me what they can do to help. Well, here's what:

Reach out to me. When I'm in the middle of troublesome times like this, it's hard to keep all the work I've done in mind, and I fall back into troublesome thought patterns - in particular, it's very easy to fall back into beliefs that I'm unwelcome, that people don't want me in their life, that nobody cares about me, that I don't deserve to be in the world. And while I can reach out, sometimes, that doesn't help as much - it's easy to convince myself that if I have to reach out, that the responses I get aren't sincere. That people are just tolerating me, or being nice, and that they really would rather I just go away.

I *know* these aren't reasonable responses. I know that I'm a little broken. But right now, I don't have the cope to maintain my own balance by myself, and I could use a little help. There are a few truly amazing people who have been helping with this, sending care packages or inviting me out or just chatting with me in the evenings, and that helps a lot. But if other people want to help, that's what you can do.

Just call me, or send me a text message. IM me if you see me online. Email me. Not even about anything in particular - tell me about your day, ask about mine, show me a picture of your baby, tell me about the movie you just saw. Remind me that I'm part of the world, and that it's okay for me to be there, and that the world is more than the challenges I'm facing right now.

And even if you don't, thank you, just for being here and reading this. Even that helps.

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

I'd love to IM you if I see you online... but I'm not sure I actually know what you use for IM, or who you are on there.

I use all of AIM, Y!M, Gtalk, and MSMessenger (usually Trillian as my client).

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

When are you coming back to Boston, by the way? It feels like it's been
forever since I've seen you....

It does feel like forever, doesn't it?

I'll likely be down to Boston for Arisia, but probably not before that point -- doesn't look like anything business wise sending me that way before then. (And, I'm currently booked business-wise into early December. Gah.)

[mneme]

*hug* I don't think I have your IM details.

BTW, are you interested in being on a "What is your cat thinking?" panel at next Lunacon?

[warinbear.livejournal.com]

Hugs offered, whether therapeutic or friendly or commiserating or other. Sounds like your life overall is about as hectic and chaotic and difficult and bizarre as my own.

[serakit.livejournal.com]

I look up to you and haven't been figuring out how to talk to you or commenting on here too much because of the fear that I would be unwelcome-- I know you don't know me that well. But if you want to IM or phone converse or something like that I'm very much open to the idea!

[matildalucet.livejournal.com]

It seemed like a small thing at the time, but you mentioned chocolate not that long ago, and it reminded me of Brussels and bringing back chocolate for a few people for no particularly good reason, just because I could. And the memory made me smile. So I'm beaming that smile back at you.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

What is your current email?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

becky *at* drbecky.net - that's pretty consistent, thankfully....

[asdr83.livejournal.com]

When you finish Across the Barrier I have a new anthology of fairy tales rewritten to lend you. It includes such great authors as Neil Gaiman, Holly Black and Charles De Lint.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Oh, cool; thank you! What's the anthology? (I've finished 'Across,'and agree with your opinion; I just haven't had a chance to hand it off to the next recipient yet....)

[asdr83.livejournal.com]

It's called Happily Ever After and I've only just started it, but some of the stories are already pretty good.

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

Hi

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Hi. :) And thank you.

[grum]

Reading. Caring. Don't actually know you in person, but like you on LJ. Thanks for sharing.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you; much appreciated....

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Something I wanted to say on a different post, but comments were disabled...

There is a difference between "I'm the only one who can/will do X" and "I don't have any choice about doing X". There are not enough hours in the day for any of us to do all the things we "should" do, so prioritizing is essential -- and your health, mental and physical both, needs NOT to be on the very bottom of the priority list. Taking the weekend off was a good move in this direction.

Remember, if you run yourself into the ground, you won't be able to take care of anyone else. It's like what they say in the airplane spiel, about how you should put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help anyone who needs assistance.

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

"Email me. Not even about anything in particular - tell me about your day..."

I do not hate anybody that much.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Bzzt - if I'm not supposed to be self-deprecating here, no one else is. :)

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

When the day is a mix of "searched for jobs," "played computer games to dull the pain of searching for a job," and "read a book I've read a great many times before because I didn't want to play computer games any more," I feel justified in thinking that any more detail is potentially lethal.

[catalana.livejournal.com]

I'm several days late on this, because this is the first time I've been able to sit at the computer for close to a week. So my catching up on LJ is pretty sporadic. But I wanted to let you know I'm reading this and I think you're awesome. And I think that even while drugged to the gills! That's how awesome you are!