Advise Me, O Interwebs

[ladysprite]

So I have a conundrum.

Next weekend I'm going to a friend's wedding. It's a fairly small event, with what sounds like a not-quite-typical reception; dinner at a "nice restaurant" (no, I have no idea what they mean by that. I'm white trash; my idea of a nice restaurant is the Cheesecake Factory, but I'm guessing it's something a bit more upscale.).

I have no idea what to wear. It's an evening wedding, which implies formal, but it's a smallish, not-so-formal event. Pleas for advice have been answered with "I dunno, whatever you'd wear to a nice restaurant," which, for me, is jeans or a broomstick skirt and a tank top. Which I somehow figure is not what they mean.

Most of my dresses are either black (which is a no-go zone for weddings), sundresses (not quite the right season), or... a bit on the sultry/evening-ish side. And while I love the latter, I'm not sure whether I'd be too over-the-top showing up at what turned out to be an informal wedding in a royal blue ruched sequined sheath dress, or a leopard-print bombshell mini-dress.

So.... to those wiser and more levelheaded than me, what does one wear to this sort of event? Bite the bullet and take the risk of egregious offense wearing black? Look like a potential hussy in sequins? Embroidered jeans and a really pretty lace t-shirt?

Or... you know.... take it as an excuse to binge-shop at the Betsey Johnson going-out-of-business sale?

Comments

[citabria]

Binge shop!

If you'd prefer not to do that (but think -- you actually have an excuse!), I think black is okay. Today, especially for evening weddings, black is nearly always acceptable. It looks a bit tacky in the afternoon (especially outdoors ... in the summer ... but let's not dwell on my family ...), but for an evening wedding? Especially with a quiet dinner at a restaurant afterwards? Black is fine.

[matildalucet.livejournal.com]

Yes, this. Black is okay nowadays as long as it doesn't look like you are mourning. (So, no veiled hats? Probably not black hose?) If you feel iffy about it, add a bright scarf or something. My LBD is sleeveless, so I tend to take a jacket or sweater or something in case the air conditioning gets aggressive, but that could just be me.

[visp.livejournal.com]

Think nice sheath dress, something you'd wear to cocktails with your boss and some clients you wanted to impress (at a white collar-ish job) Black is ok for evening weddings, just not for daytime.

[joannahurley.livejournal.com]

You could do a sundress with a shrug or wrap of some sort. That often dresses it up enough. Or black with some bright colored accessories. But, hello? You fit in Betsey Johnson stuff, and there's a sale? Get shopping! :)

[jennythe-reader.livejournal.com]

Exactly the advice I was going to give.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

The classic little black dress has been considered appropriate for evening semi-formal weddings since at least the 1940s. If you have one, it will be just fine. The old Emily Post admonition against black had to do with wearing something that might be taken as mourning attire, and the LBD pretty obviously is not that.

If you don't have a classic LBD, and you want to avoid upstaging the bride in that royal blue sequined number, it might be time for a shopping trip. You'll want something along the lines of a "cocktail dress" in a solid color or muted print toward the darker end of the spectrum.

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

I've lately fallen in love with 50s pinup dresses, and the one I own has become my LBD even though it's navy blue. If I were invited to such an event, that's probably what I'd wear, along with a cute jacket or shawl. So um...I guess take it as an excuse to go shopping? Unless you have a LBD, which (as others have mentioned) has become appropriate for some types of weddings.

[hermitgeecko.livejournal.com]

I hit a similar problem when going to my brother's wedding in Thailand. The rules were:

1) Absolutely no black
2) Nothing low-cut (where "low-cut", by this definition, exposed collarbone)

I didn't go shopping in time, and when it came time to pack, I discovered these two rules had eliminated my entire wardrobe.

My answer was to bring multiple dresses, wave them at my mother, and say "I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO WEAR."

I think (based on your description of the wardrobe) I'd wear a shawl or a scarf over a sundress. But the alternate solution is just to get dressed in two alternate outfits, photo yourself, and send it to whichever member of the couple you know better, along with a note that says "I want to make absolutely sure that I fit in at your wedding! Tell me, which do you prefer?"

[guendalina.livejournal.com]

I agree with the majority here. Wear the black dress. Use some sparkly jewelry or a scarf maybe some metallic shoes to make it more of a party dress. Unless, of course, you just want an excuse to go shopping--then have fun! Go shopping!

[arachne8x.livejournal.com]

Knowing the couple in question, and having talked to them about the intent behind their recommendations, I don't think anyone would be offended by your wearing a black dress.

[mneme]

I was going to ask what was wrong with wearing black (thinking specifically about a LBD) when it didn't look like mourning clothes -- after all, formal for the guys is pretty much -universally- black. But I seem to be joining the chorus there, with less knowledge.

Have fun at the wedding!

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

At the vast majority of weddings I've been to, women who are not wearing black are in the minority. Just try to go with the female equivalent of a nice suit vs. a tuxedo.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

You've gotten great advice -- I'm just here to encourage you to go shopping. :D

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

I agree that "what you'd wear to a nice restaurant" isn't much of a guideline. I took Russ to Fogo de Chao once for his birthday, and people were wearing jeans and T-shirts, at a place you can't get out of for less than $50/person!

I also agree that "cocktail dress" is a better guideline. Something a little dressy, but neither formalwear nor clubwear; the aforementioned LBD with some bright accessories to liven it up would work well.

[medeaschild.livejournal.com]

I may have some insight here.

Embroidery and a lace t-shirt and some earrings and a happy smile sound perfect. I'll be jealous.

Of the dress options:

a) Black. For this wedding black would be fine, if you have a black dress that you are comfortable and feel happy in.

b) Sundress. It may be warmer there than here, and this mat actually work, with a nice shawl or pashmina. (It may not be.) If you have a sundress that you are comfortable and feel happy in.

c) Sultry/evening or Betsey Johnson are fine options as well. If, on the day of the event, you have any of them that you are comfortable and feel happy in.

[ravenrose.livejournal.com]

I'll likely be wearing black or dark blue.. otherwise, they might not recognise me...lol