Endings and Passings

[ladysprite]

Sixteen years ago, give or take, I went to the Assembly Square Mall to buy tomato stakes for my garden. They had a crappy pet store, and I saw a kit outside holding a couple of kittens. I was afraid he'd bought them from the store, and was ready to go on a tirade about the evils of pet stores, until I realized he was giving them away.

(Clever kid.)

Anyway, I went to pet one of the kittens and it held onto my hand and wouldn't let go, and that's how I came home with Percival. I had just gotten my letter of acceptance into vet school a few weeks ago, and I was looking at moving 800 miles away from everyone and everything I knew and loved, and I thought it would be nice to have a cat to take with me.

And he's been with me, through every milestone, since then. He was there for my first day of vet school, and for my graduation. He was there when I got my first job as a doctor; when I moved in with my boyfriend, when we got engaged, got married, bought our house. I can't think of anyone else who can say that. He slept with me, on my pillow at night, he kept me company when I lived alone and entertained friends and housemates when I wasn't. He shaped my world.

And today I said goodbye to him.

He'd been doing poorly for a while. After years and years of perfect health, everything caught up with him a few months ago. Heart disease, thyroid disease, kidney disease, lung cancer. All diagnosed the same week. I did as much as I could, but I realized this week that he wasn't eating; wasn't sleeping in his favorite places; wasn't doing much of anything except moving between the sofa and my pillow. He was having trouble standing and walking, and nothing I tried helped. And with umbran getting ready to travel for work, I couldn't face the prospect of keeping him alive, miserable and suffering, waiting for him to come home.

So I took him in to work this morning, and hugged him and held him and cried, and I did the last thing I could to bring him peace. And I know I should feel good that I could do that, and someday I will, but right now I just feel like there's a giant hole in my life where he used to be....

Comments

[iamjw.livejournal.com]

*hugs offered* It's one of the hardest things we do as their guardians.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that time eases the pain and lets the bright memories shine.

[aishabintjamil.livejournal.com]

Hugs. Knowing it was the right thing doesn't fill the hole, but it gets better after a while. For me, when it happens (which is every few years because we have a pattern of adopting seniors), it helps to let another needy cat into my life.

[catalana.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry for your loss, but I am glad you don't have to watch him suffer any more, and that he is free of pain. That doesn't mean you're free of pain, of course; that only comes with time. *gentle hugs if wanted*

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

My condolences, my friend.

[mermaidlady]

I'm so sorry.

This touched me a lot more than it would have just 2 years ago.

[pujaemuss.livejournal.com]

You've got all my sympathies. I'm so sorry for your loss.

PJW

[citabria]

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. {{{hugs}}}

[virtualvirtue.livejournal.com]

*huge hug from me and snorfles from our Beagle-girl*

[crash override (from livejournal.com)]

You are in my thoughts. I've lost furry kids before, and it's NEVER an easy thing. But you did what you could for Percival and that's what matters.

[gyzki.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for the loss of Percival, and that I had no chance to realize when I saw him for the last time.
The hole will never go away, but it will become something you can take hold of and carefully cherish.
Bless you and P both.

[crash-mccormick.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for your loss but delighted in all the joy you shared. Every death reminds me of all death but also makes me try and remember the shining good that is any life well lived.

Good thoughts, good wishes, and all the rest you know, remotely or in person as needed and on demand.

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[jdulac.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

My condolences on your loss. May he live on in your memories of him.

[rms-butterfly.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss. Remember though that you did do him a final kindness. *hugs*

:-(

[wren13.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry - I remember him, and I miss him too. Long hugs and warm comfort offered....

[keshwyn]

I am so sorry. Percy was a wonderful cat, I can remember him making Veekan completely blow his attempt to be a HARD and VICIOUS gamemaster, and having him purring behind my head during gaming sessions.

I'm so glad he was in your life, and I am sorry he's gone. *hugs*

[tpau]

oh drat. *hugs* sorry hon

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Beautiful Bast giving Life,
Hail Bast, in visible form,
Casting light into the darkness,
I have come before you,
The path is opened,
The earth is at peace.

Lady Bast, accept Your child Percival into Your presence. May he be glad with You. Shine peace on to those have lost him.

::hugs::

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey, you did the right thing. I'm just so sorry for the loss you feel.

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

Sending many hugs...

[asdr83.livejournal.com]

*HUG*

I don't know how to put this properly into words,but I know you'll know what I mean and excuse the clumsiness of its delivery. Thank you for the strength you found to give him that hardest final gift of passing peacefully. It's hard and selfless and you and I are both too familiar with people unable to find that strength to let it happen to one of our loved ones, but even still it's so incredibly hard. *HUG*

[mindways]

*slightly sniffly hugs*

I have many excellent memories of Percy. Rest well, O Cat who defeated the World of Darkness.

[mr-teem.livejournal.com]

So sorry for you. :(

[dreda.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

So very sorry for your loss. (And I can relate on some level, Scheherazade was 16 when she passed away and it felt like an entire piece of my life had died, as well as a dear friend. She'd been with me longer than anyone, far longer than SD. It took quite a while until I could function again.)

[fractalgeek.livejournal.com]

Been there, totally understand how you feel.

16 Years of good health is a pretty good run.

Hugs x

[z-gryphon.livejournal.com]

:(

Normally I would bust out a photo of Regal here, but that seems inappropriate now...

[jducoeur]

Sympathies...