Breathing Deeply

[ladysprite]

For the first time in months, I finally feel like I can relax and exhale. It's a scary, kind of alien feeling - I've been crumpled up into a ball of anxiety and worry and pessimism for so long that it almost aches, like using muscles that have atrophied.

My husband is gainfully employed, with a real full-time job that pays something like a living wage. I've got enough work to last me through most of the month, and a couple of interviews for full-time positions. And in the meantime, relief work is turning out to be amazingly enjoyable - the clinics are nice, the staff treat me like I'm a gold-plated goddess, and they've already started requesting that I come back when they need coverage in the future. It's amazing how much being appreciated professionally has turned my world around, and it makes me wonder just how much internal damage was done when that was missing.

The promise of financial stability is strong healing magic, too. Money isn't everything, I know, but the lack can make life look pretty grim. But somehow it looks like, over the next few months, we'll be going from scraping along and surviving by eating away at the savings while surreptitiously searching for a cheaper place to live to comfortable and safe. And with that biggest of all worries out of the way, not needing to wonder if we'll be able to cover rent long-term, a lot of other worries and issues and complexities suddenly seem so much smaller and more handle-able.

I can breathe again. I can unclench my shoulders. Damn, it feels good.

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

Yay! *hugs* of congratulation and happiness. :)

[pixel.livejournal.com]

"Glad to see things are turning around for you two. Sorry I haven't gotten back to youabout the Jeep, I have yet to see the neighbor who owns it."

[sebastian-tombs.livejournal.com]

wren13 has been much happier in her time as a relief vet. I have campaigned a couple of times for her not to even consider going back to a "real" job.

[new-man.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear things are picking up. See you Thursday. We discovered the hard way they don't know the dance will enouhg to do it if the musicians screw up.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Double yay! Glad that A. has a job, and that you're enjoying the relief work - I hope the next position you take is with someplace that really appreciates you.

[warinbear.livejournal.com]

the staff treat me like I'm a gold-plated goddess

Well, good for them! I'm glad they got that much right, at least.

[braider.livejournal.com]

*hug* It's wonderful to have complete strangers see you as competent, worthwhile, and someone they would like to see again. It makes other things in life look so much different.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Good.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Money worries make everything worse. Conversely, the knowledge that you don't have to worry about your next rent payment or meal makes it much easier to deal with other worries. This is pretty universal.

Glad to hear that being a relief vet is working out for you. Your comment about needing professional validation is spot-on -- I have a friend, a very good family lawyer, who was nearly driven out of the field by a boss who could only comment on what he saw as her flaws, and did so incessantly. I'm sure you already have enough professional confidence that the occasional critical remark doesn't send you into a tailspin, but there's a HUGE difference between "the occasional critical remark" and "the boss constantly telling you that you can't do anything right". It's similar to the difference between normal marital spats and living with an abusive spouse.