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Disgrace period
Dec. 4th, 2001 06:45 amLast night I just got a notice in the mail that my grace period for my student loans is over. Time to start paying everything back. I knew it would be bad, but there's a difference between knowing something abstractly and holding the bill in your hands.
$780 a month, give or take. On top of the bills I'm already paying from undergrad, which are about $380 a month. Ack. I was living on less than that per month when I was in school. How on God's green earth am I going to find the money for that? I was safe. I was managing to pay my bills, and put away a little bit of money, with the budget I already had. Now... now this huge monstrous fiend of a student loan comes along and starts gnawing on my checkbook like a hollow-toothed government viper, sucking away my livelehood. I know it's my own fault, I know I chose this willingly, and I shouldn't complain, but being charged this much to take a low-paying job saving lives does seem kind of frustrating.
I don't know how I'll afford it. I don't know if my income will cover it. What if I can't pay it? I can pare down my expenses a little - lose the cable and the internet connection, but other than that everything is a necessity. If I go into default, I'm hosed for life. I won't be able to save any money as is, I'll be broke and scraping poverty level for the next 30 years.
I'm trying not to panic. I'm applying for consolidation, that will help a little. And my bills will go down a bit next year if my boyfriend and I move in together. But I'm so scared. What if I can't pay it? What if I spend my life living just like a starving college student and it's not enough? Then what?
$780 a month, give or take. On top of the bills I'm already paying from undergrad, which are about $380 a month. Ack. I was living on less than that per month when I was in school. How on God's green earth am I going to find the money for that? I was safe. I was managing to pay my bills, and put away a little bit of money, with the budget I already had. Now... now this huge monstrous fiend of a student loan comes along and starts gnawing on my checkbook like a hollow-toothed government viper, sucking away my livelehood. I know it's my own fault, I know I chose this willingly, and I shouldn't complain, but being charged this much to take a low-paying job saving lives does seem kind of frustrating.
I don't know how I'll afford it. I don't know if my income will cover it. What if I can't pay it? I can pare down my expenses a little - lose the cable and the internet connection, but other than that everything is a necessity. If I go into default, I'm hosed for life. I won't be able to save any money as is, I'll be broke and scraping poverty level for the next 30 years.
I'm trying not to panic. I'm applying for consolidation, that will help a little. And my bills will go down a bit next year if my boyfriend and I move in together. But I'm so scared. What if I can't pay it? What if I spend my life living just like a starving college student and it's not enough? Then what?
