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Resting Easier
Jun. 20th, 2004 03:10 pmIt's a good thing I have a wise, forward-thinking man like my sweetheart to reassure me about worrisome-seeming situations in the world today. If it weren't for him, I'm certain that I'd never get anything done beyond sitting and fretting about the impossibly huge numbers of potential catastrophes that could befall both myself and the universe.
We were tidying up the house this morning in anticipation of my mother's visit, and watching 'Little Shop of Horrors' in the background, when I suddenly realized that there was a giant, menacing, deadly, potentially man-eating plant in my very own yard. It had been sitting there, silent and sinister, since I first moved in, and I had never even given it a single thought. Needless to say, this sent me into fits of dread. My sweetie tried to calm me down, explaining that maple trees have been around this part of the solar system, if not since the dawn of time, at least since the brunch of time, and that it was highly unlikely that their nefarious plot would have survived the past several million years without at least a hint of it escaping. This almost seemed worse at first - how nefarious would a plot have to be, that it would be worth several million years of feigned inanimacy? - but eventually reason won over, and I realized that he was right.
That is, of course, until it became clear that alien tree monsters could have bypassed those millions of years by waiting until humans had developed a thriving culture, and then replaced all of the maple trees with exact alien duplicates. My sweetheart's protests that the world's botanists would have noticed something merely furthered my suspicions - the botanists were obviously in league with the alien tree monsters, selling out their species to their splintery green masters. I very nearly gave up all hope for humanity, until the sweet voice of my fiance's reason broke through to me. He explained to me that no self-respecting ape descendant would sell out their species to vegetation, and pointed in fact to Dutch Elm Disease as proof that the botanists were merely decieving the aliens, while working in secret to overthrow them.
Thank goodness that the World Botanical Society has joined with the Illuminati to genetically engineer a biochemical weapon to overthrow the alien maples bent on destruction of fleshy bleeding life, and thank goodness that my fiance is wise enough to figure this out. Otherwise, I would be very, very worried about the state of the world today.
We were tidying up the house this morning in anticipation of my mother's visit, and watching 'Little Shop of Horrors' in the background, when I suddenly realized that there was a giant, menacing, deadly, potentially man-eating plant in my very own yard. It had been sitting there, silent and sinister, since I first moved in, and I had never even given it a single thought. Needless to say, this sent me into fits of dread. My sweetie tried to calm me down, explaining that maple trees have been around this part of the solar system, if not since the dawn of time, at least since the brunch of time, and that it was highly unlikely that their nefarious plot would have survived the past several million years without at least a hint of it escaping. This almost seemed worse at first - how nefarious would a plot have to be, that it would be worth several million years of feigned inanimacy? - but eventually reason won over, and I realized that he was right.
That is, of course, until it became clear that alien tree monsters could have bypassed those millions of years by waiting until humans had developed a thriving culture, and then replaced all of the maple trees with exact alien duplicates. My sweetheart's protests that the world's botanists would have noticed something merely furthered my suspicions - the botanists were obviously in league with the alien tree monsters, selling out their species to their splintery green masters. I very nearly gave up all hope for humanity, until the sweet voice of my fiance's reason broke through to me. He explained to me that no self-respecting ape descendant would sell out their species to vegetation, and pointed in fact to Dutch Elm Disease as proof that the botanists were merely decieving the aliens, while working in secret to overthrow them.
Thank goodness that the World Botanical Society has joined with the Illuminati to genetically engineer a biochemical weapon to overthrow the alien maples bent on destruction of fleshy bleeding life, and thank goodness that my fiance is wise enough to figure this out. Otherwise, I would be very, very worried about the state of the world today.
