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You Can't Actually Die of Embarrassment
Mar. 26th, 2006 01:15 pmLet me tell you about the second-worst onstage experience I've ever had.
The summer before I started college, I was part of a local theatre company that decided to put on a kid-oriented production of 'Beauty and the Beast.' The whole experience was wonderful, but the opening show was a nightmare.
The first problem was that the theatre we were performing in was still being built during rehearsal, and in fact wasn't quite done before we were set to open. The audience wound up sitting in temporary folding chairs, the backstage area wasn't finished enough for the stagehands to fit, and we didn't actually see the stage until half an hour before the first show. This also meant that many of our props, having been made without any idea of the stage or theatre size, didn't fit through the doors or onto the stage, and had to be sawed in half to get onto stage.
The second problem was our shortage of actors. I was originally pulled in to be a stage hand, and wound up being assistant stage manager, stage hand, a gargoyle, and a dancing tree. They tried to use me as an end table in one scene, but I drew the line there.
Our narrator developed short term memory loss from lyme disease, and couldn't be counted on to remember her lines or cues, so my other job was occasionally pushing her towards stage. I think I knew her part better than she did by the end of rehearsal.
The beast forgot to change his shoes while dressing, and went through the first act in his penny loafers. The woman playing one of the ugly stepsisters forgot to take out her nose ring. The beast's feather cloak didn't have enough structural integrity, and kept catching on the sawed-off furniture and shedding feathers everywhere.
The dancing-trees scene was a challenge, given that we had only heard the music for the first time at the final dress rehearsal. On the other hand, that turned out not to matter, since the tape with the music broke halfway through the dance. Only the fact that we had drilled it for a month and a half without the music kept us going.
And we still made it through the show. And I don't even think the audience noticed the myriad tiny disasters. And I told myself that if I could survive that onstage, I could survive anything.....
The summer before I started college, I was part of a local theatre company that decided to put on a kid-oriented production of 'Beauty and the Beast.' The whole experience was wonderful, but the opening show was a nightmare.
The first problem was that the theatre we were performing in was still being built during rehearsal, and in fact wasn't quite done before we were set to open. The audience wound up sitting in temporary folding chairs, the backstage area wasn't finished enough for the stagehands to fit, and we didn't actually see the stage until half an hour before the first show. This also meant that many of our props, having been made without any idea of the stage or theatre size, didn't fit through the doors or onto the stage, and had to be sawed in half to get onto stage.
The second problem was our shortage of actors. I was originally pulled in to be a stage hand, and wound up being assistant stage manager, stage hand, a gargoyle, and a dancing tree. They tried to use me as an end table in one scene, but I drew the line there.
Our narrator developed short term memory loss from lyme disease, and couldn't be counted on to remember her lines or cues, so my other job was occasionally pushing her towards stage. I think I knew her part better than she did by the end of rehearsal.
The beast forgot to change his shoes while dressing, and went through the first act in his penny loafers. The woman playing one of the ugly stepsisters forgot to take out her nose ring. The beast's feather cloak didn't have enough structural integrity, and kept catching on the sawed-off furniture and shedding feathers everywhere.
The dancing-trees scene was a challenge, given that we had only heard the music for the first time at the final dress rehearsal. On the other hand, that turned out not to matter, since the tape with the music broke halfway through the dance. Only the fact that we had drilled it for a month and a half without the music kept us going.
And we still made it through the show. And I don't even think the audience noticed the myriad tiny disasters. And I told myself that if I could survive that onstage, I could survive anything.....
