Bluh

I am so tired.

I am tired deep in my bone marrow. My feet are tired, my joints are tired, even my hair is tired. My tired is tired.

I'm not doing anything except working, and coming home. I'm not even working an abnormal amount. But I feel like I've had every drop of life wrung out of me, and then been beaten against lumpy rocks to pummel out anything left.

And no matter what I do, I can't even make myself feel good about my work. I've been diagnosing complicated cases, winning over difficult clients, and trekking through twelve-hour days with no breaks, and still all I feel is scared. Afraid that I'm not good enough, that the clinics aren't going to want me back, that I'm not practicing the quality of medicine they want in their hospital and that they're never going to hire me again.

I wish I knew why.

My feet hurt.

I want a hug, and a teddy bear, and.... I don't know what else. External proof of my competence, maybe.