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What I Did Today
Jun. 13th, 2006 10:50 pmLong-time readers of my journal will no doubt have realized by now that veterinary medicine has theme days. What I am starting to realize myself, after a few years in practice, is that there is no limit to the number of themes available. Having run through 'crazy owner day' and 'limping dog day' and 'gray-and-white constipated cats whose name begins with D' day, my personal theme collection apparently ran out of simple concepts and decided that I needed something new and exciting for today. That is the only explanation I can think of for today's theme, which was, as far as I can tell, 'Dog Butt Surprise Day.'
I like surprises. There are many good surprises that life can offer a person, and many good places to find surprises. For example, little notes from your significant other are good surprises, as are flowers. And lunchboxes, or coat pockets, or the vase on top of the television, are good places for these. However, I believe I can categorically state that under a dog's tail is never a good place to find a surprise, and that nothing you find there is going to be good.
The fact that I even need to consider this is a sign of just how glamorous my profession truly is. But when I do need to examine a dog's rear end, there is really only one thing I want to find there - and that is *not* a herniated colon. Or a plastic spoon. Or a thriving colony of maggots. By the time the last appointment of the day arrived, I was starting to feel like a rather shell-shocked contestant on Let's Make A Diagnosis. I could almost imagine a scary seventies polyester-suited game show host standing behind me in the exam room as I worked my way back from the patient's head, asking me if I wanted to stop my exam now, or go for What's In The Butt.
This should never happen again. Tomorrow needs to be Straightforward And Tidy Single-Endocrine Dysfunction Day, or Disproportionately Grateful Owners Who Bring Doughnuts Day. Or, honestly, anything but this day again.
I like surprises. There are many good surprises that life can offer a person, and many good places to find surprises. For example, little notes from your significant other are good surprises, as are flowers. And lunchboxes, or coat pockets, or the vase on top of the television, are good places for these. However, I believe I can categorically state that under a dog's tail is never a good place to find a surprise, and that nothing you find there is going to be good.
The fact that I even need to consider this is a sign of just how glamorous my profession truly is. But when I do need to examine a dog's rear end, there is really only one thing I want to find there - and that is *not* a herniated colon. Or a plastic spoon. Or a thriving colony of maggots. By the time the last appointment of the day arrived, I was starting to feel like a rather shell-shocked contestant on Let's Make A Diagnosis. I could almost imagine a scary seventies polyester-suited game show host standing behind me in the exam room as I worked my way back from the patient's head, asking me if I wanted to stop my exam now, or go for What's In The Butt.
This should never happen again. Tomorrow needs to be Straightforward And Tidy Single-Endocrine Dysfunction Day, or Disproportionately Grateful Owners Who Bring Doughnuts Day. Or, honestly, anything but this day again.
