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Downs and Ups
Dec. 1st, 2006 08:23 pmDid you know that it's possible to reach a state of fatigue at which The Tick animated series ceases to be funny? Not because you're too tired to laugh, or because you no longer understand it, but because it seems to make perfect sense. Everything that happens seems entirely reasonable, and the absurdist humor is utterly lost.
On the other hand, if I have to be awake at 4:30am on a regular basis, there are worse things that I could be watching. And, given that I'm nearly 32 years old and this is my first actual experience with insomnia, I suppose I'm actually quite lucky. That doesn't make it fun - the sensation of waking up in the middle of the night and being simultaneously too exhausted to focus my eyes and too awake to fall back asleep is a miserable one - but it could be much, much worse. At least I'm managing to sleep from bedtime until 4ish.
Somehow, in spite of a week's accumulated sleep debt, though, today wound up being quite a good day. I worked at one of my favorite clinics, managed to see a few friends, and was gifted with an amazing stash of BPAL samples by the marvelous and wonderful![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tikva (I've already tried Hymn to Proserpine, and loved it, by the way....). And, most importantly, I got word about a case that I had been rather worried about, and found out that instead of screwing up heinously, I in fact managed to do everything exactly right.
Actually, now that I think of it, *all* of the cases that I had been worried about screwing up wound up finishing that way - the animals doing as well as possible, my tentative diagnoses right on the first guess, and my theories on treatment completely appropriate. I don't quite know how I do it; it sure doesn't feel like I'm making genius decisions, or solving complicated dilemmas at the time. But apparently I'm doing better than I thought.
I'm doing okay, job-wise. And I think that, now that I've managed to internalize that for the time being, I'll be doing better in a lot of other ways. Maybe I'll even be able to sleep through the night, tonight.
On the other hand, if I have to be awake at 4:30am on a regular basis, there are worse things that I could be watching. And, given that I'm nearly 32 years old and this is my first actual experience with insomnia, I suppose I'm actually quite lucky. That doesn't make it fun - the sensation of waking up in the middle of the night and being simultaneously too exhausted to focus my eyes and too awake to fall back asleep is a miserable one - but it could be much, much worse. At least I'm managing to sleep from bedtime until 4ish.
Somehow, in spite of a week's accumulated sleep debt, though, today wound up being quite a good day. I worked at one of my favorite clinics, managed to see a few friends, and was gifted with an amazing stash of BPAL samples by the marvelous and wonderful
tikva (I've already tried Hymn to Proserpine, and loved it, by the way....). And, most importantly, I got word about a case that I had been rather worried about, and found out that instead of screwing up heinously, I in fact managed to do everything exactly right.Actually, now that I think of it, *all* of the cases that I had been worried about screwing up wound up finishing that way - the animals doing as well as possible, my tentative diagnoses right on the first guess, and my theories on treatment completely appropriate. I don't quite know how I do it; it sure doesn't feel like I'm making genius decisions, or solving complicated dilemmas at the time. But apparently I'm doing better than I thought.
I'm doing okay, job-wise. And I think that, now that I've managed to internalize that for the time being, I'll be doing better in a lot of other ways. Maybe I'll even be able to sleep through the night, tonight.
