Farewell, Fishy

Way, way back many years ago, umbran's roommate decided that he wanted to start keeping tropical fish. I can't remember exactly why, but that doesn't matter anymore. He got a tank, and put together a pretty decent freshwater setup, and we all went out to pick out some fish to put in it - I was brought along mostly because, while I didn't live in the household, I spent a decent amount of time there, and I'd had fish while I was growing up.

We got a whole bunch of colorful little fellows - neon tetras, catfish, mollies... and one pink gourami. Because we'd always had gouramis in our tank when I was little, and I thought they were pretty, and I liked the funny faces they made. We took them all back to the apartment, got them acclimated to the tank, and settled in to take care of them. That was... ten or eleven years ago at least, maybe more.

Since then, Schwa (he earned a name by virtue of being slightly bigger and more unique-looking than all the other fish) has been a constant in our lives. He survived the roommate moving out and leaving the tank with us, moving from one tank to another, and from one house to another. He outlived all the other fish, and their replacements, until we eventually stopped replacing them out of fear that, being far bigger, he would just eat them all. he grew from the size of my thumb to the size of my palm.

He survived temperature shock during one bad water change, and in an alarmingly memorable event he survived escaping the tank while we were both out of the house, managing to fend off both cats and avoid dying of dehydration until my then-boyfriend came home, found him, and put him back in the water. At that point, I more or less assumed he would outlive me.

But over the past six months he's been slowing down. Swimming closer to the bottom of the tank, moving less, recovering more slowly from water changes... and while I wish there were more I could do as a doctor, well, he was a fish. And not even a fish with a diagnosable illness; just one that had outlived the average lifespan for his species by at least five years. And I have neither the setup nor the expertise to do more than treat minor fish ailments.

Last night we noticed that he was Really Not Doing Well, and this morning... he was gone. And I feel so utterly ridiculous for being so upset, because he was just a fish. Just a silly little pink fish that sat in the corner in his tank and made kissy faces and ate the occasional unsuspecting neon tetra. I couldn't exactly pick him up and cuddle him and pet him, and I'm fairly certain he was completely unaware of my existence - while there are fish who will swim up to the front of the tank and bob around to greet you, he wasn't one of them. He just liked to wander back and forth behind his plants.

But he was a fixture. As much as I joked about him being immortal, there was a part of me that wanted to believe it. And he was funny, and pretty, and if you can love a fish, then I loved him. And the shape of my world has changed, now that he's dead.

Goodbye, Fishy Schwa. I miss you. And while we may eventually get new fish for the tank, I doubt any of them will ever quite live up to your memory....

Cookbook Project, Books #8 and 9

(Dinner and dessert Friday night)

"Williams-Sonoma Mexican," Marilyn Tausend

This book is pretty special, actually - it was a gift from one of my favorite clients. She knew that I loved to cook, and when I left the clinic I was working at she gave me a going-away package that included, among other things, some very nice utensils and this cookbook. Unfortunately, while I had looked through the book a few times, I haven't used it yet. I'm not sure why. (This is a refrain I fear I'm going to say a lot over the course of the next year.

So it was pulled from the shelf in the random, must-make-something drill, and Friday night's dinner was Tinga Poblana With Chicken.

While the recipes are fairly long and intimidating looking, this one was a lot easier than I had thought it would be, and it didn't require nearly as many esoteric ingredients as I had feared. I love Mexican food, and it was interesting to try something I've never had before. It was at the top end of my spiciness-tolerance, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. And umbran loved it - I couldn't keep him from going back for seconds, and thirds. If I make it again I may tweak the recipe, but it's definitely made me want to check out some of the other stuff in the book.

"The Best Quick Breads," Beth Hensperger

This, on the other hand, is a book that I have used more times than I can count. I originally took it out of the library when I was looking for a new coffeecake recipe, and when I couldn't bear to part with it, went out and bought my own copy. This did bring up the question of whether it was within the rules to make a recipe that I've made before, but I ultimately decided that it was - the goal is to use the books, not necessarily to try new recipes, though that's an entirely wonderful side effect.

That's why dessert Friday night was Pumpkin Gingerbread. I've made it before, and I've been craving it for a little while - it's easy, and this is the season for both gingerbread and pumpkin and baking. It's got a crumb topping that's utterly to die for, and it makes the house smell heavenly while it's baking, and it was just as good as I remembered and hoped for, and we'll be nibbling on it all week.

Time to plan the menu for next week....