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Not The Same
May. 26th, 2010 08:55 pmDear Clients,
In our conversations recently, I have come across some incidences of confusion that I would like to clear up:
Distemper is a nasty, unpleasant viral infection that causes often fatal disease in dogs and ferrets.
Temperament is your dog's personality and behavior.
I cannot give your dog a temperament shot; as much as it would be awesome. Controlling that is all your responsibility, sweetums, though I'd be glad to give you some advice on training and behavior.
Spay is the colloquial name for surgical sterilization of female animals.
Spade is a garden implement.
If you want your dog to be spaded, please do not tell me; I will need to report that as animal cruelty.
Lyme is a city in Connecticut. It is also the common name for a tick-borne bacterial infection, originally found most commonly in and around that area.
Limes are a citrus fruit.
You do not want your dog to get a Limes vaccine. It will sting a lot, and not actually produce useful immunity to anything.
Eukanuba is the name of a popular brand of dog food.
Ikebana is the Japanese art of flower arranging.
When I ask you what you feed your dog, I seriously doubt that the latter is the correct answer. If it is, I suggest making a change. Not only are many flowers toxic, but most high-end dog foods are expensive enough without adding aesthetically placed irises and cherry blossoms.
Hip Dysplasia is a common (but not universal) disorder in large and giant-breed dogs, involving abnormalities of the hip joint, that leads to arthritis and pain over time.
Hip Displeasure is what I get when I try to pull on my jeans after they just came out of the laundry and don't want to fit over my backside.
If you think your dog has hip displeasure, get him some bigger jeans. Or better yet, don't make him wear pants.
Anal Glands are two small sacs inside your pets backside. Their only purpose is to produce foul-smelling gunk and occasionally get infected, requiring someone to empty them out. My job is so glamorous.
Annual Glands, as far as I can tell, are a small subset of the pituitary that, once a year, make people say meaningless things in front of medical professionals.
I will not check your dog's annual glands. Dogs cannot talk. I may suggest getting yours evaluated, though.
Conjunctivitis is inflammation of the conjunctiva, which is the mucus membrane covering the white part of your eye.
Junkyitis is a made-up bullshit word, but if I had to come up with the closest Latin derivative, it would be inflammation of the junk.
If your pet has inflamed junk, I honestly really don't want to know. One of the joys of being a general practitioner is that I get to refer cases like that.
That's all.
Thank you!
Love,
Me
In our conversations recently, I have come across some incidences of confusion that I would like to clear up:
Distemper is a nasty, unpleasant viral infection that causes often fatal disease in dogs and ferrets.
Temperament is your dog's personality and behavior.
I cannot give your dog a temperament shot; as much as it would be awesome. Controlling that is all your responsibility, sweetums, though I'd be glad to give you some advice on training and behavior.
Spay is the colloquial name for surgical sterilization of female animals.
Spade is a garden implement.
If you want your dog to be spaded, please do not tell me; I will need to report that as animal cruelty.
Lyme is a city in Connecticut. It is also the common name for a tick-borne bacterial infection, originally found most commonly in and around that area.
Limes are a citrus fruit.
You do not want your dog to get a Limes vaccine. It will sting a lot, and not actually produce useful immunity to anything.
Eukanuba is the name of a popular brand of dog food.
Ikebana is the Japanese art of flower arranging.
When I ask you what you feed your dog, I seriously doubt that the latter is the correct answer. If it is, I suggest making a change. Not only are many flowers toxic, but most high-end dog foods are expensive enough without adding aesthetically placed irises and cherry blossoms.
Hip Dysplasia is a common (but not universal) disorder in large and giant-breed dogs, involving abnormalities of the hip joint, that leads to arthritis and pain over time.
Hip Displeasure is what I get when I try to pull on my jeans after they just came out of the laundry and don't want to fit over my backside.
If you think your dog has hip displeasure, get him some bigger jeans. Or better yet, don't make him wear pants.
Anal Glands are two small sacs inside your pets backside. Their only purpose is to produce foul-smelling gunk and occasionally get infected, requiring someone to empty them out. My job is so glamorous.
Annual Glands, as far as I can tell, are a small subset of the pituitary that, once a year, make people say meaningless things in front of medical professionals.
I will not check your dog's annual glands. Dogs cannot talk. I may suggest getting yours evaluated, though.
Conjunctivitis is inflammation of the conjunctiva, which is the mucus membrane covering the white part of your eye.
Junkyitis is a made-up bullshit word, but if I had to come up with the closest Latin derivative, it would be inflammation of the junk.
If your pet has inflamed junk, I honestly really don't want to know. One of the joys of being a general practitioner is that I get to refer cases like that.
That's all.
Thank you!
Love,
Me
