![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Cold Comfort
Dec. 7th, 2010 12:50 pmIt's amazing how much difference in mood, outlook, and life a tiny realization and change can make.
I've never done very well in the winter. I try to deal as well as I can, but no matter what I do things always seem to wind up overwhelming me, and I end up miserable and scared and lonely and panicky and generally feeling like there is no light or happiness or hope in the world at all.
I've always been a bit reluctant to self-diagnose with SAD, though - partly because I just don't approve of self-diagnosis, partly because it seems a bit bandwagon-jumpy, and partly because it didn't seem to quite match. I'm not tired or depressed; there's no oversleeping or carb-craving, and things are worst for me December-February, not exactly matching up to the photoperiod. My angel of a husband tried to help anyway by getting a full-spectrum light, but all it did was make me feel like monsters were going to climb out of the creepy blue glow to attack me.
And then this week I had it pointed out to me that, rather than lack of light, my problem might be with the cold instead. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
So instead of just trying to ignore the cold, or power through it, I gave into it and gave myself permission to admit that I was freezing my narrow butt off. I started wearing my silk longjohns even though it wasn't winter yet. I started wearing sweaters around the house, and using lap blankets and extra-thick socks, and actually wearing gloves and scarves and my heavy coat outside, and staying in the warm parts of the house. And damn if it isn't making a major difference.
I think this may be the best change I've made for my health and happiness in living memory.
So... like I said, I'm not a big fan of self-diagnosis or net.diagnosis, but on the other hand, no one ever mentioned this to me before, so....
If there are any other trauma or abuse survivors reading this (and I'm pretty sure there are), it's something to keep in mind. Being cold leads to the same body postures that being scared and hurt does - hunching, tensing, pulling yourself in - and so the posture and muscle memory can trigger the same emotional responses, and thought patterns, and frame of mind. Go figure.....
I've never done very well in the winter. I try to deal as well as I can, but no matter what I do things always seem to wind up overwhelming me, and I end up miserable and scared and lonely and panicky and generally feeling like there is no light or happiness or hope in the world at all.
I've always been a bit reluctant to self-diagnose with SAD, though - partly because I just don't approve of self-diagnosis, partly because it seems a bit bandwagon-jumpy, and partly because it didn't seem to quite match. I'm not tired or depressed; there's no oversleeping or carb-craving, and things are worst for me December-February, not exactly matching up to the photoperiod. My angel of a husband tried to help anyway by getting a full-spectrum light, but all it did was make me feel like monsters were going to climb out of the creepy blue glow to attack me.
And then this week I had it pointed out to me that, rather than lack of light, my problem might be with the cold instead. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
So instead of just trying to ignore the cold, or power through it, I gave into it and gave myself permission to admit that I was freezing my narrow butt off. I started wearing my silk longjohns even though it wasn't winter yet. I started wearing sweaters around the house, and using lap blankets and extra-thick socks, and actually wearing gloves and scarves and my heavy coat outside, and staying in the warm parts of the house. And damn if it isn't making a major difference.
I think this may be the best change I've made for my health and happiness in living memory.
So... like I said, I'm not a big fan of self-diagnosis or net.diagnosis, but on the other hand, no one ever mentioned this to me before, so....
If there are any other trauma or abuse survivors reading this (and I'm pretty sure there are), it's something to keep in mind. Being cold leads to the same body postures that being scared and hurt does - hunching, tensing, pulling yourself in - and so the posture and muscle memory can trigger the same emotional responses, and thought patterns, and frame of mind. Go figure.....
