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Mental Wellness, Physical Illness
Jan. 16th, 2011 10:13 pmI am home from Arisia, since I am scheduled to work on Monday. Unfortunately, I also seem to have recovered from the flu I caught last week just in time to develop a killer case of bronchitis, complicated by laryngitis. I'm plenty bright and energetic, when I'm not pausing to cough until I gray out, but I have no voice. Not hoarse, not sore throat; I literally can't make any sound beyond a faint whisper, and even that is pushing it and not always possible.
(Yes, I've tried tea, and honey, and lemon, and tea with honey and lemon. And throat drops, and cough medicine, and salt water, and hard candies, and none of it has made a lick of difference.)
That said... this con was exactly what I needed. Even though I wound up missing half of the panels I was supposed to be on (my voice disappeared somewhere Saturday afternoon), even though I spent half of it communicating through gesture, interpretive dance, and by scribbling notes on a pad I carried around, even though I'm coming home in worse shape than I arrived, it was the best thing I could have done for myself this weekend.
I needed the people. I needed the comfort of being there for my friends, and having them be there for me - of not being able to walk across the lobby or down a hall without having someone stop me, and put a hand on my shoulder or hug me or smile at me. I needed the reassurance that there are good things in the world, and that I am one of them. I needed the contact and other bodies around me. And good god, I needed the music and dancing.
And there was music and dancing in abundance, and for a good four-plus hours I lost myself on the dance floor. There have been good dances before, but I don't know if there's ever been one quite this perfect - while I couldn't talk, and didn't quite have my usual endurance, that just meant that I rested enough to keep my feet from getting bloody and delighted in watching the patterns and joy made by everyone else on the floor. And the mix was right and I lost track of the styles of dance and the people I danced with - old friends, new acquaintances, total strangers.... I know I'm an empath and an extravert, but sometimes I forget that, and forget that that sort of energy can feed me better than the grandest buffet.
And yeah, there were panels and they were good, and there were dealers and stuff was bought, and there was gorgeous art and a fun masquerade, and the start of plans for a cool and ambitious new project, but mostly there was my chosen family, when and where I needed them. Sometimes I go to cons and come home feeling lonely and misplaced, or just tired, but this.... this was Right, and Good.
Now, I just need to find my voice in time for work tomorrow - otherwise, interacting with clients is going to be a bit awkward....
(Yes, I've tried tea, and honey, and lemon, and tea with honey and lemon. And throat drops, and cough medicine, and salt water, and hard candies, and none of it has made a lick of difference.)
That said... this con was exactly what I needed. Even though I wound up missing half of the panels I was supposed to be on (my voice disappeared somewhere Saturday afternoon), even though I spent half of it communicating through gesture, interpretive dance, and by scribbling notes on a pad I carried around, even though I'm coming home in worse shape than I arrived, it was the best thing I could have done for myself this weekend.
I needed the people. I needed the comfort of being there for my friends, and having them be there for me - of not being able to walk across the lobby or down a hall without having someone stop me, and put a hand on my shoulder or hug me or smile at me. I needed the reassurance that there are good things in the world, and that I am one of them. I needed the contact and other bodies around me. And good god, I needed the music and dancing.
And there was music and dancing in abundance, and for a good four-plus hours I lost myself on the dance floor. There have been good dances before, but I don't know if there's ever been one quite this perfect - while I couldn't talk, and didn't quite have my usual endurance, that just meant that I rested enough to keep my feet from getting bloody and delighted in watching the patterns and joy made by everyone else on the floor. And the mix was right and I lost track of the styles of dance and the people I danced with - old friends, new acquaintances, total strangers.... I know I'm an empath and an extravert, but sometimes I forget that, and forget that that sort of energy can feed me better than the grandest buffet.
And yeah, there were panels and they were good, and there were dealers and stuff was bought, and there was gorgeous art and a fun masquerade, and the start of plans for a cool and ambitious new project, but mostly there was my chosen family, when and where I needed them. Sometimes I go to cons and come home feeling lonely and misplaced, or just tired, but this.... this was Right, and Good.
Now, I just need to find my voice in time for work tomorrow - otherwise, interacting with clients is going to be a bit awkward....
