ladysprite | Feb. 8th, 2011

I'm torn, right now, between wanting to make a long, rambly post and wanting to make a short, good-things list post. Life continues to yoyo back and forth between really quite good, and really quite crummy. The trick I need to learn right now is how to focus on the good parts, and not let the bad ones color my perceptions of everything.

Why is it so easy to do the opposite of that, incidentally? Bad things in life are like food coloring - all it takes is one tiny drop, and then no matter how hard you try to dilute it out, everything is faintly tinged with lousiness, even if you never wanted it to get into those parts in the first place. And the same isn't true for good. It's like the osmotic gradient of the universe only flows from lousy to good, and not in the opposite direction.

But I will try to defy that, and pump goodness into my lousy, instead of the other way around. In so many situations, it's just a matter of turning the perspective around on the same situation.....

I have a work opportunity that's looking more and more potentially awesome every day. And even if that doesn't work out, I've been busy lately, both in total-days-worked and in actually seeing interesting cases while I'm at work. It's good to feel both wanted and useful. It's scary, too, and it means facing a change and making a decision that I don't want to... but there is serious potential for good here.

I'm slowly, arduously getting better from an extended bout of bronchitis. The hardest part of this has been falling (or being forced) off the workout wagon - after nearly a year of working out 4-6 days a week, I missed the better part of a month, and between both the lapse and my own diminished lung capacity, getting started again is annoying and humiliating. Workouts that I didn't bother with two months ago because they were too easy to be worth the time now leave me gasping and shaking, which makes me ashamed of how much condition I've lost and what horrible shape I'm in. The end result is a desperate desire to quit in order to avoid further shame and humiliation, even though intellectually I know the problem is more that my lungs haven't healed yet than anything else. But I am an organism composed primarily of carbon, hydrogen, and stubbornness, so quitting isn't one of the tools in my toolbox. And ever so slowly, I can feel myself getting back into the realm of good-muscle-ache, instead of bad-airway-burn.

And finally, food is starting to be my friend again. A serious case of the flu followed by a course of antibiotics left me eating mostly toast, rice, and scrambled eggs for a few weeks, and I've been timid as heck at getting back into normal cooking and eating. But it seems, cautiously, hopefully, that that phase is over. Which is a major goodness, because I have missed menu planning and dinner cooking.

So. Three potentially lousy situations, turned to good ones. Not a bad start for a day....