Free To Be

There's something that's been going back and forth through my mind a lot lately. It's something that has occurred to me in passing before, when a friend would say something to me or when I'd see or hear people reacting in certain ways, but it's come up enough times recently that it's been in the forefront of my thoughts, and I kind of want to talk it out, even if it's only with myself.

So many times, people have asked my permission to feel a certain way - asked me if it's okay for them to have feelings for me, apologized for having feelings - or for not having them, asked if I was hurt or upset or angry when they told me that they felt this way or that way towards me. And I've seen it happen with other people, too; I know it's not just me. There seems to be a prevailing idea that Person B has the right to allow or refuse Person A permission to feel attracted towards them, or not attracted - and with that, the idea that Person A can just decide to feel or not feel.

And I don't agree with either half of that statement.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. Feelings just *are.* They're part of who and what we are, what make us human and individuals. And a person, as far as I've ever been able to figure, can't just decide to feel a certain way. You can't wake up one morning and decide to love someone, or not to; you can't just decide to be sad or happy or angry (within reason - I think that most of these feelings are inside most of us most of the time, and we can choose to focus on one aspect or the other, but that's not quite the same). No one person has the right to tell another that their feelings are wrong, or bad; no one person's feelings, by themselves and in isolation, hurt another person. Your feelings do not create any obligation in me.

The challenge comes in how people react to their own feelings. Your emotions, good or bad, are your own responsibility and no one else's. Own them, accept them, and accept that no one else is obliged to react in any particular way just because you feel something. You can choose to focus on your sadness, to the exclusion of everything else, and stay in a negative place; you can choose to highlight your happiness instead, and try to live in that. And when it comes to feelings involving other people, it can become dangerous. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone, there's nothing wrong (at least in my opinion) with telling that someone how you feel, as long as you don't demand reciprocation. Your attraction does not entitle you to my love, or my body. But it does not give me the right to hurt you, punish you, or tell you you're wrong, either, as long as you keep that in mind. I'm not sure why anyone would want to, to be honest; there's little enough love in the world as it is, and I don't think that being loved *more* would hurt anyone.

So I'm declaring today to be Emotional Amnesty Day, and my journal in general to be a Free Emotions Safe Place. Angry? Sad? Happy? Secretly in love? I give all y'all permission today - and always, here - to tell people how you feel. Don't blame, and don't presume obligation, and I will give you the same respect and courtesy.

(Me? Today I'm happy, and tired, and a little worried, and very much in love, and appreciative of the people who do love me, and kind of frustrated, and excited/anticipatory, and... yeah. I'm just a little emotional rainbow.)