Grump

I am tired of taking care of myself.

Oh, I have help, so I know it could be worse. And it's not like I don't take care of myself under regular circumstances.

But I'm tired of remembering to set the alarm every night, and turn it on every morning, and make sure I have gas in the car, and food for a couple of days in advance, and plans for the leftovers. I'm tired of remembering to take all my meds, and keep a stash in my purse, and call in prescription refills before I need them, and tired of fighting with the pharmacy about my insurance situation.

I'm tired of remembering to make myself tea in the morning and wash my bento box and mug and thermos as soon as I get home from work every night, and figuring out timing to go for a run and make dinner and put away the groceries and feed the cats and clean the snake's cage and the litterboxes.

I'm tired of Being Prepared and being organized and always doing everything right. And I'm tired of being in constant pain again - for all the hoops I jumped through to get it, this latest epidural seems to have done exactly nothing for my comfort. And I'm already tired of waking up so cold that I can't feel my fingers.

Okay. Whine over; I have to go make myself a lunch and pack my doctor bag and eat breakfast and start tea brewing. But in my minor rebellion, I am sick and tired of packing and eating healthy adorable bentos. Screw that; I am having a fluffernutter today.

Of Course

The universe apparently doesn't like me whining, and it has a bitter sense of humor.

OF COURSE during an unseasonably cool snap, while my husband is on the opposite side of the country, and I'm coping with muscle tension and pain, the heat would just happen to die in my house.

umbran has talked me (or, more acccurately, the incredibly helpful and live-saving metaphysick) through most of the standard fixes for common problems, but none of them are helping. So now I need to figure out how to get the plumbers in, and pay for it (on top of having to pay up front for hubby's trip, and my quarterly taxes, and medical bills), and how to survive in the uncomfortable chill in the meantime. On top of work and health juggling and everything else.

It's not cold enough to be dangerous, but... it's just the bitterly toxic cherry on top of the I Hate You Sundae the universe is serving up to me right now...

Seeking the Good Things

So. It's kinda chilly here. And I am still lacking a husband and a Percy.

But things could be much, much worse, and it's a good idea to remember that, and all the good things that are going on in spite of all the stress and challenges.

-At least this waited until 4 days before umbran comes home, instead of hitting the day after he left.
-It's cold out, but it could be colder. I can at least manage by keeping the lights on and the oven running, and by piling on blankets.
-I have kittens to keep me company
-I was able to reschedule my plans for tonight so I could try to fix things myself (it didn't work, but I had to try).
-umbran is amazing, and talked me through the problems on the phone and set up an appointment with our maintenance people when work kept me too busy to do so myself.
-metaphysick is awesome, and tried to fix stuff too, and has been running errands and helping keep both me and the house intact and functional through all of this.
-I have friends to offer support and advice.
-In an effort to stay warm, I have a cream cheese pound cake in the oven.
-I have fuzzy socks and Hello Kitty polar fleece pajamas (that have been through the apocalypse).
-We were able to get an appointment for maintenance/repair tomorrow.
-Hot tea is a goodness.

So. For all that things are bad.... things are also still kinda good. And I need to remember that.