Blinding Flash of the Obvious

[ladysprite]

Newsflash:

I'm not normal. Or average. Or typical. Or any of the other descriptors that one could use to suggest 'more or less like everyone else.'

I know. Big deal; odds are most of the people reading this fall into that category. Here's the thing, though - fandom, or geekdom, or whatever you want to call it, has its own normal, too. And I'm not that, either.

I'm not a computer person. Most of y'all are. You work with computers, or play with them, or at least know how to speak computer-ese. Me? I know how to turn my laptop off and on, and use the two or three programs that are most vital for day-to-day function.

My smarts lie more with living things than codes or machines. I like soft, squishy, moving things; I understand them more, I speak their language, they make sense to me. Even on a pure-science level, I've always understood molecular biology better than particle physics or electronics.

I'm not analytical. I don't think in problems-and-answers. Not even so much shades of gray as not even in black-white-gray-scale to begin with. I'd rather talk about things than just solve them. (ENFP, for those of you who speak Meyers-Briggs.)

I'm not any one of the Standard Fannish Body Shapes. I'm not big-and-beautiful-and-busty, and I'm not beanpole-skinny. I'm short, and I have no bosom worth speaking of, but I'm still more curvy than boney. I'm more cut out for hip-huggers and halters than corsets.

I don't like computer games. Or board games. Or card games, for that matter. I'm not so much a fan of the winner/loser dynamic that any of them stress. I like teamwork, and as far as I'm concerned, rules are just things that get in my way.

I'm different. Not in every way - I still read the same books, have the same hobbies, play most of the same games (mostly the ones that don't focus so much on winning and losing), have the same friends, beliefs, and all that.

I understand this now. The trick - the big one, that I still have to figure out - is learning how to look at those differences from another perspective. How to focus on them as things that I do have, rather than looking at everyone else's similarities as things that I don't have, and am inferior for not having.

Not better, not worse - not me and not the rest of the world, either. Just.... different.

Why is that so hard?

Comments

[tpau]

it's hard because we are programmed, as humans to do the "us and them" or the "me and mine" mentality. we are programmed to belong and to flock to those who are like us. it's why countries form, and cliques form, and gangs form. it's what makes us humans, flaws and all.

it's hard because we are conditioned, by parents or the word, or ourselves to compare ourselves to everyone else as metrics. to do that "am i like them? am i normal?" check, which in terms of for example realizing that having a green and shriveled up hand is NOT normal and maybe one aught to see a doctor, is a good thing. but it is not good in the less "out there" cases :)

there is a reason i poke at computers. i can't kill them. no matter how badly i fuck up at worst some data will be lost and some folks will be angry. back in HS i had a chat with my dad. as most jewish dads he wanted me to be a doctor. and i sat there for several hours and explained to him that i know for a fact that i do not have the mental fortitude to cut a living being, to have daily the very being and lives of things depend on me. computers are plastic and metal. i can do plastic and metal.

you are different. if you were jsut like me, talking would be unnescesary and boring. but you are different, you bring a different and unique to you perspective to every conversation. i don't have 8 hour chats with myself, but i have them with you.

normal is merely perpendicular to the plane. and i make the math geek-joke like that because i too compare myself to everyone. am i like them? am i normal? why is she skinnier then me, we had the same amount of cake. why can she stand up straight and i can't? why does she have a boyfriend and i don't what is wrong with me? so, we all make jokes to hide that we constantly find ourselves lacking. and to try to revel in teh difference, because it IS important, and needed, even if does cause us all to cry sometimes...

[metaphysick.livejournal.com]

Well, regardless of whether or not you're "normal normal" or even "geek normal," you seem like a pretty awesome person, in my not-so-humble opinion.

[citabria]

I get this.

Even though I fall into the general category of geekdom, I'm not into fandom. Unless you count my recent venture into the slightly-obsessive world of Tolkien fans -- but it's still not as if I go to conventions or anything. I'm not a computer person either -- I used to be, but stopped trying to keep up after Macs and Windows came into favor. (Seriously, no exaggeration there.)

I'm analytical, but not all that scientific. I'm generally not up on the latest in any scientific field, even those that I used to be very interested in. (Yes, umpteen years of no space program to speak of made me complacent.) I'm big and beautiful but not-so-busty, and I'm trying to become healthier (which tends to mean also becoming smaller) -- which isn't the norm.

I'm with you on computer games, board games and card games. It's not that I won't play -- I do enjoy Fluxx -- but I'm not "into" those games like most of my friends.

There are times that I look at the interests of most of my friends and begin to wonder whether I have anything in common with them at all. Then I think, "well, I can still feed them" and it doesn't really matter anymore. ;)

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

Little Saxon kid: Why did God paint you?
Azeem: Why did God paint me?
Little Saxon kid: *nods*
Azeem: Because Allah loves wondrous variety.

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

I love Fluxx. :)

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

Hah. I love Morgan Freeman.

[rufinia.livejournal.com]

Oh tell me about it. I don't game, I don't do computers, and I have no interest in LARPing. I understand niche issues.

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

Why is it hard for any of us to deal with anything - just is. It sucks. What I can say is that I don't care if you are different. I like you for your smile and how friendly you are, your amazing empathy, your love of small (or not so small) furry things, I love watching you dance. Everything that you cite as making you different makes you - you. i wouldn't want you any other way.

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Okay, if I could have said this? I would have. But I'm not eloquent that way.

I'm really good at explaining things, though.

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

Sure, go ahead, I've let people copy my answers before. :D

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

*blush* thank you.

Last time I saw you, you mentioned getting together during the day at some point - we should do that. :) Work is slow for me right now, so I have more free time than I know what to do with....

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Not better, not worse - not me and not the rest of the world, either. Just.... different.

Why is that so hard?
Well... I think the big thing is that you haven't developed good self-value yet.

You don't think "I'm a vet and people value what I do, and that's cool. And he, he is a computer geek who has written modules for Linux, and that's cool. And she's into particle physics and is going to work on the large hadron supercollider, and that's cool".

Without the first part, you see all the reasons other people are cool, and don't have any for why you are. (Some folks also have a problem where they can admit that there are reasons they're cool, but don't count their coolness factor as being good enough. "But I'm just a(n)(X) which isn't nearly as good as (that other stuff)."

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

It is so hard to see your own value. Please know that from my quarter, you look like a fabulous person.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

To me you are a beautiful, talented, and wonderful young woman who just happens to look rather like a large fairy queen, and I wouldn't have you any other way.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

We're all different. Don't let it get to you. Instead, embrace the differences and savor them.

[metaphysick.livejournal.com]

Coolness. I shall let Aaron know, as well. I can give a call, say, tomorrow-ish? Or would early next week be better?

[jtdiii.livejournal.com]

You are bright, personable, fun to talk to, sexy enough that people pay to see you strip to your undies!, good with animals and still find enough in common with a bunch of geeks in order to have intelligent conversations with them. Don't worry about not fitting in every corner of the niche, none of us do. You manage to have enough in common with the geeks to fit in, and fit in well.

Celebrate your strengths.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Excellent! I'm working tomorrow, but I've got Tuesday off next week. I've got an appointment in the morning, but should be free by any time after noon....

[mr-teem.livejournal.com]

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

[metaphysick.livejournal.com]

This works out just fine, as I don't get out of bed until noonish. (The joys of a freelance writer's schedule.)

[corwyn-ap.livejournal.com]

Well if they aren't worth speaking of, then you shouldn't be concerned about leaving them uncovered in warm times and locations...

I personally promise to be speechless...

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I can sympathize to a certain extent- I'm not into gaming, for the same reasons as you... I'm even lowering the priority of LARP in my life. Although my job is in the IT world, I'm not typical- it's just my job, I feel no impulse to hack or program or anything in my spare time.

The normal is a fictional construct. The important thing is that you are a wonderful and unique person.

[laurion]

We're all unique, just like everyone else.

It's not just lip. You're right, that there are some aggregate qualities that define 'normal', or even 'geek normal', but we all have parts that are different from that center. It's what keeps things interesting. What would you talk about if you all had the same perspectives and opinions? For example, I work with technology, but not in a classic sense. I don't code, I don't play video games, my music tastes are far outside of both normal and geek normal, etc.

[jducoeur]

If everyone in geekdom were "geek-normal", it would be a *lot* more boring, and really, a lot less fun. You're one of the people who makes it worthwhile to be a geek, and helps us remember that we're not all identikit nerds. That's a very good thing.

(And if you're interested some afternoon, let's get together...)

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'm anyone's definition of normal either, but I like it that way... I get twitchy if I feel too conformist.