Cold Comfort

[ladysprite]

It's amazing how much difference in mood, outlook, and life a tiny realization and change can make.

I've never done very well in the winter. I try to deal as well as I can, but no matter what I do things always seem to wind up overwhelming me, and I end up miserable and scared and lonely and panicky and generally feeling like there is no light or happiness or hope in the world at all.

I've always been a bit reluctant to self-diagnose with SAD, though - partly because I just don't approve of self-diagnosis, partly because it seems a bit bandwagon-jumpy, and partly because it didn't seem to quite match. I'm not tired or depressed; there's no oversleeping or carb-craving, and things are worst for me December-February, not exactly matching up to the photoperiod. My angel of a husband tried to help anyway by getting a full-spectrum light, but all it did was make me feel like monsters were going to climb out of the creepy blue glow to attack me.

And then this week I had it pointed out to me that, rather than lack of light, my problem might be with the cold instead. And the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

So instead of just trying to ignore the cold, or power through it, I gave into it and gave myself permission to admit that I was freezing my narrow butt off. I started wearing my silk longjohns even though it wasn't winter yet. I started wearing sweaters around the house, and using lap blankets and extra-thick socks, and actually wearing gloves and scarves and my heavy coat outside, and staying in the warm parts of the house. And damn if it isn't making a major difference.

I think this may be the best change I've made for my health and happiness in living memory.

So... like I said, I'm not a big fan of self-diagnosis or net.diagnosis, but on the other hand, no one ever mentioned this to me before, so....

If there are any other trauma or abuse survivors reading this (and I'm pretty sure there are), it's something to keep in mind. Being cold leads to the same body postures that being scared and hurt does - hunching, tensing, pulling yourself in - and so the posture and muscle memory can trigger the same emotional responses, and thought patterns, and frame of mind. Go figure.....

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

warm *hugs*

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

That is really brilliant -- I am fortunate that I don't have abuse in my background, but this is useful information to suggest to others.

For what it's worth...

[sherrian.livejournal.com]

My experience of major depression includes the overwhelming perception of being physically cold *all the time*, even in rooms that other people insisted were comfortably warm. Googling around gives me the impression that I'm not the only one, either; it's interesting to think that the connection might work the other way, too.

[grum]

Thank you so much for that last insight.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

If there are any other trauma or abuse survivors reading this (and I'm pretty sure there are), it's something to keep in mind. Being cold leads to the same body postures that being scared and hurt does - hunching, tensing, pulling yourself in - and so the posture and muscle memory can trigger the same emotional responses, and thought patterns, and frame of mind. Go figure.....

Huh. I never would have thought of that. Thank you!

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

So glad that it's helping!

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

Well, now I know what to get you for Christmas. I wonder how much it costs to ship a bonfire up to Massachusetts?

[kightp.livejournal.com]

While it doesn't trigger psychotrauma for me, I've noticed the past few winters that (a) I get cold much easier - damned aging body, anyway and (b) it does, in fact, make me tense/hunch/tighten everything until I HURT ALL OVER. Which is crap for one's state of mind.

It's better this winter. I have a new high-efficiency gas furnace that does a much better job of keeping the house at an even, not-too-chilly temperature. Like you, I'm all about lap quilts, sweaters and also sheepskin lined slippers.

And hand-knitted wool socks, which are the best things ever. And if you'd like some, I'd be happy to knit you a pair, I'd just need a few key measurements and color preferences.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

If there are any other trauma or abuse survivors reading this (and I'm pretty sure there are), it's something to keep in mind. Being cold leads to the same body postures that being scared and hurt does - hunching, tensing, pulling yourself in - and so the posture and muscle memory can trigger the same emotional responses, and thought patterns, and frame of mind. Go figure.....

Oh, that makes a lot of sense.

And well, I send you, what else, warm hugs!

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

We knew he was smart when he married you, but this is another excellent example of how smart.

[joannahurley.livejournal.com]

I spend a lot of time with my "warm & fuzzy" on, a particularly soft, long shawl. It makes me happier. I sometimes think my personal thermometer is broke - I don't really sweat, and hot & cold both really bother me.

I'm glad the warm is helping you.

[jducoeur]

Fascinating. Jane's always been a self-described "lizard", and has long been fond of pretty much the same list of ways to keep herself warm. But the physical/psychic associations are an unusual observation, and I can see how that could work. Glad it's helping...

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Being warm is good. I've had to adjust some of my own attitudes since living here -- it's an old house, built when insulation wasn't really on the radar, and despite everything we've done it still gets chilly when the outside temperature drops. I had to recognize that my resistance to wearing layers indoors was a conditioned reflex that this should be unnecessary -- I never had to do it before -- and just DO it anyhow. So believe me, I sympathize.

But that last insight is very good, and something I'll keep in mind should I ever run across anyone else who might benefit from it.

[micheinnz.livejournal.com]

Now that's interesting. I always assumed I did better on hot, sunny days because of the extra light. It might be because of the extra _heat_.

Something to ponder. Thank you!

[ladymondegreen.livejournal.com]

Oh good! Please always give yourself permission to be warm and comfortable if it's in your power. You deserve to feel safe and warm.

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

It's cheaper to send the DIY kit.