News, But Not What I Was Hoping For
Jun. 24th, 2011 12:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteSo Tristan - my sweet orange kitty - had his ultrasound this morning.
It's not good.
His liver is enlarged and irregular, throughout the entire organ, and there's a separate mass that looks like it's probably on his pancreas as well. He's starting to build up fluid in his abdomen.
The specialist was able to take aspirates from the liver and the separate mass, so we should have a final diagnosis by Monday, but... it's just a formality at this point. Odds are it's cancer; there's not much else that can do this.
And he's going downhill so quickly. It's only been a week from the first time he didn't finish his dinner. I can already feel his spine sticking out. He's still trying to act like himself, but I can see changes in how he walks, and how much time he spends hiding in my closet.
We're keeping up his meds, but I don't know how much they're helping. The big question I'm going to face, once we have our final diagnosis, is whether to put him through full-on chemotherapy or just try to keep him comfortable for a little while. I ask people this question every day, I ask them to make this decision, but somehow I'm not ready to answer it myself.
I don't want to finish my work day. I don't want to make dinner tonight. I don't want to go play in a LARP tomorrow and pretend to be all suave and witty. I don't want to be around other humans at all, except my husband. I just want my baby, and I want him to be better....
It's not good.
His liver is enlarged and irregular, throughout the entire organ, and there's a separate mass that looks like it's probably on his pancreas as well. He's starting to build up fluid in his abdomen.
The specialist was able to take aspirates from the liver and the separate mass, so we should have a final diagnosis by Monday, but... it's just a formality at this point. Odds are it's cancer; there's not much else that can do this.
And he's going downhill so quickly. It's only been a week from the first time he didn't finish his dinner. I can already feel his spine sticking out. He's still trying to act like himself, but I can see changes in how he walks, and how much time he spends hiding in my closet.
We're keeping up his meds, but I don't know how much they're helping. The big question I'm going to face, once we have our final diagnosis, is whether to put him through full-on chemotherapy or just try to keep him comfortable for a little while. I ask people this question every day, I ask them to make this decision, but somehow I'm not ready to answer it myself.
I don't want to finish my work day. I don't want to make dinner tonight. I don't want to go play in a LARP tomorrow and pretend to be all suave and witty. I don't want to be around other humans at all, except my husband. I just want my baby, and I want him to be better....
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Date: 2011-06-24 04:04 pm (UTC)I'm sorry.
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Date: 2011-06-24 04:09 pm (UTC)I hope you have many good pain free days with him still. This is never easy, no matter how many times you've done it professionally, personal is still, well, personal.
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Date: 2011-06-24 04:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 04:18 pm (UTC)This is such a hard thing to go through. I will be thinking of you a..
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Date: 2011-06-24 04:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 04:33 pm (UTC)If you need anything, at all, don't hesitate to ask.
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Date: 2011-06-24 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-06-24 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 06:52 pm (UTC)Many hugs
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Date: 2011-06-24 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-06-24 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 10:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 10:23 pm (UTC)My decision was that any major treatments were probably for me, not for her. But she was never a very happy kitty. She was an *okay* kitty, but never a really *happy* one.
The decision of when to end it was easy, for all that it was sad. When she tried to eat, but couldn't, I was able to say that it was time. I couldn't feed her and ease her hunger, so I had to end her suffering the only way I could. It sounds rational, but it was heartbreaking.
I did realize something then... I'd never know the *right* decision, because there wasn't one. No one can say what's right, or best; there are too many questions. You can only make a decision, and accept that you've done what you can.
Hugs and healing to you and your kitty; Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
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Date: 2011-06-24 10:25 pm (UTC)And on a similar note... after this is over, light a candle in a window for three nights running to call his spirit home. I've done this every time, and I swear that, at different times, I have known *for sure* that one or more of mine have come to stay for a while.
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Date: 2011-06-24 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-24 11:49 pm (UTC)Don't feel badly about hibernating with your husband and baby at this point. I wish I could make it all better, but...
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Date: 2011-06-25 12:52 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-06-25 03:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-25 11:24 pm (UTC)Bast bless him and you.
::hugs::
Icon says it all.
Date: 2011-06-26 03:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-26 12:51 pm (UTC)