Keeping On
Dec. 2nd, 2011 08:46 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteI'm not quite sure where this week went. I know it happened, and I know that according to the week-by-week calendar on our fridge (the best way for us both to keep track of our schedule, since my work-schedule varies so wildly) I wasn't technically over-busy, but somehow the hours and minutes and days got away from me, and suddenly here I am on Friday, trying to figure out what the heck I'm supposed to be doing this weekend, how I'm supposed to squeeze everything in, and how I managed to lose track of so much time without noticing.
I'm not un-busy(is that even a word?). I've been working, and I've got crafting projects that I'm trying to finish - wedding presents and holiday presents, a few of which I still need to start, and bits and pieces of writing for games that I play in, or am trying to slip into. I'm trying to make space and time for the people in my life, while keeping some little bit of time for myself. I've been cooking again, too, which makes me feel better than just about anything.
We're entering the time of year when it's hard for me to be happy. It's possible, if I focus on it and pay attention and try to keep myself surrounded by warmth and light and good things and remind myself of how truly wonderful my life is - but if I don't keep up that constant effort, it's deceptively, destructively easy to let the cold and dark overwhelm me and fall back into negativity, despair, and conviction that the world hates me. I'm doing my best to fight it, but I honestly think that's what's taking up a lot of my energy right now.
On the other hand, there are some good things about this season. It's ridiculous how quickly and easily holiday lights will cheer me up - no matter how lousy my day, how cold it is, how terrible the traffic is, or how tired I am, driving home from work in the dark and seeing all the different houses lit up and decorated can take me almost instantly from miserable to delighted. I'm hoping that we finally find the time and motivation to decorate our house this year; I think it'd be wonderful to have lights of our own. And it's holiday cookie season, too - I started my baking last night (molasses spice cookies and oatmeal cranberry cheesecake bars), so the house finally smells like home again.
Only a few more weeks, and then the days start getting longer again. I can hang on to that....
I'm not un-busy(is that even a word?). I've been working, and I've got crafting projects that I'm trying to finish - wedding presents and holiday presents, a few of which I still need to start, and bits and pieces of writing for games that I play in, or am trying to slip into. I'm trying to make space and time for the people in my life, while keeping some little bit of time for myself. I've been cooking again, too, which makes me feel better than just about anything.
We're entering the time of year when it's hard for me to be happy. It's possible, if I focus on it and pay attention and try to keep myself surrounded by warmth and light and good things and remind myself of how truly wonderful my life is - but if I don't keep up that constant effort, it's deceptively, destructively easy to let the cold and dark overwhelm me and fall back into negativity, despair, and conviction that the world hates me. I'm doing my best to fight it, but I honestly think that's what's taking up a lot of my energy right now.
On the other hand, there are some good things about this season. It's ridiculous how quickly and easily holiday lights will cheer me up - no matter how lousy my day, how cold it is, how terrible the traffic is, or how tired I am, driving home from work in the dark and seeing all the different houses lit up and decorated can take me almost instantly from miserable to delighted. I'm hoping that we finally find the time and motivation to decorate our house this year; I think it'd be wonderful to have lights of our own. And it's holiday cookie season, too - I started my baking last night (molasses spice cookies and oatmeal cranberry cheesecake bars), so the house finally smells like home again.
Only a few more weeks, and then the days start getting longer again. I can hang on to that....
