Failing At Journaling
Sep. 8th, 2016 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteOnce again, I fail at keeping up here. Partly it's time; partly it's habit - I'm just not in the pattern of writing here daily, and the more I miss the harder it is to re-start. I miss having a place to just keep track of daily life, and I'll try again, and I'll probably slip again, but this is better than nothing.
This week is the two-year anniversary of my first silks class; now I'm in Level 5 (as high as they go before you go into the schools pro-prep program). I still have a ton to learn, and I'm at the bottom of my class again - mostly because this is my first time in this level and with this teacher, while the rest of the students have been up here for a while. It's hard to hold on to my confidence when I spend most of the class having to remind the teacher that I have no idea what she's talking about when she says 'just crotch the fabric, wrap like for a back-dive, and then do a pencil descent,' but... I'm three weeks in and surviving, so I think I can do it.
I've also been gently informed that it's about freaking time for me to start thinking about performing. So, because I am me and I am obsessed with planning everything way the hell in advance and down to the last millimeter, I'm working with a teacher on choreo for something that'll probably see stage time this coming spring.
I was boggled at just how much this is giving me the heebie-jeebies, until I realized that this is the first time in over 20 years that I have volunteered to perform. Every time I've been on stage, it's been at someone else's request. I was press-ganged into Commedia, asked to pitch in with variety acts for burlesque, tapped for choreography or performance aid for SCA events... I've never had to actually take a deep breath, stand up, and declare that, in my own opinion with no outside validation, I am good enough and talented enough to take up space and time on a stage. And that's a hell of a lot scarier than hanging by my ankles 20 feet above the ground.
Of course, that's also why I really probably ought to do this, too. Whether or not I have the aerial chops, I need to stretch my self-validation. Doesn't make it easy, though.....
This week is the two-year anniversary of my first silks class; now I'm in Level 5 (as high as they go before you go into the schools pro-prep program). I still have a ton to learn, and I'm at the bottom of my class again - mostly because this is my first time in this level and with this teacher, while the rest of the students have been up here for a while. It's hard to hold on to my confidence when I spend most of the class having to remind the teacher that I have no idea what she's talking about when she says 'just crotch the fabric, wrap like for a back-dive, and then do a pencil descent,' but... I'm three weeks in and surviving, so I think I can do it.
I've also been gently informed that it's about freaking time for me to start thinking about performing. So, because I am me and I am obsessed with planning everything way the hell in advance and down to the last millimeter, I'm working with a teacher on choreo for something that'll probably see stage time this coming spring.
I was boggled at just how much this is giving me the heebie-jeebies, until I realized that this is the first time in over 20 years that I have volunteered to perform. Every time I've been on stage, it's been at someone else's request. I was press-ganged into Commedia, asked to pitch in with variety acts for burlesque, tapped for choreography or performance aid for SCA events... I've never had to actually take a deep breath, stand up, and declare that, in my own opinion with no outside validation, I am good enough and talented enough to take up space and time on a stage. And that's a hell of a lot scarier than hanging by my ankles 20 feet above the ground.
Of course, that's also why I really probably ought to do this, too. Whether or not I have the aerial chops, I need to stretch my self-validation. Doesn't make it easy, though.....
