Taking a step back
Jan. 8th, 2002 10:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteOkay, I don't understand myself, and I don't like that. Time to step back and look at things, and figure out what the hell is going on.
Things are going more or less well. Work is mostly good, with the occasional inevitable interpersonal friction, and I'm mostly enjoying it. Things are stable at home. I'm not sick anymore. Most of my problems are slowly resolving themselves. I'm mostly happy.
But I've been so horribly moody, and I don't know why. My sweetie says it started at the same time as the dreams - all I know is that I'll be fine one moment, then for no apparent reason I'll be horribly upset, or angry, and it scares me. I don't like not being in control.
At least I've gotten to a point where I recognize that it's happening, and can stop, and say 'I'm upset, why is this happening?' and work on it from there. It's a step in the right direction. And maybe it is a side effect from the dreams. It would make sense...
Either way, I'm working on it. And I haven't had any more dreams like that for 2 days. I don't like having to work on it, but it's better than the alternative. It's ironic that doctors make the worst patients - I don't want to acknowledge that something's wrong, because that makes it real, and I don't want to do anything other than pretend it'll go away. I don't want to be difficult, or moody, or try anyone's patience. But hopefully this is just a sort of emotional case of the hiccups, and it'll be easily fixed.
I hope.
Things are going more or less well. Work is mostly good, with the occasional inevitable interpersonal friction, and I'm mostly enjoying it. Things are stable at home. I'm not sick anymore. Most of my problems are slowly resolving themselves. I'm mostly happy.
But I've been so horribly moody, and I don't know why. My sweetie says it started at the same time as the dreams - all I know is that I'll be fine one moment, then for no apparent reason I'll be horribly upset, or angry, and it scares me. I don't like not being in control.
At least I've gotten to a point where I recognize that it's happening, and can stop, and say 'I'm upset, why is this happening?' and work on it from there. It's a step in the right direction. And maybe it is a side effect from the dreams. It would make sense...
Either way, I'm working on it. And I haven't had any more dreams like that for 2 days. I don't like having to work on it, but it's better than the alternative. It's ironic that doctors make the worst patients - I don't want to acknowledge that something's wrong, because that makes it real, and I don't want to do anything other than pretend it'll go away. I don't want to be difficult, or moody, or try anyone's patience. But hopefully this is just a sort of emotional case of the hiccups, and it'll be easily fixed.
I hope.
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no subject
Date: 2002-01-08 08:15 am (UTC)You're very good about adapting yourself to a wide variety of demands on your time. But do please make sure to keep some of your time for yourself. OK?
Y'know how...
Date: 2002-01-08 05:11 pm (UTC)Sometimes, traumatic stuff from the past seems to well up when everything else in the present is tranquil.
Whatever the reason, I hope that this resolves for you, soon.