Portrait of the Author as an Indecisive Wembler

[ladysprite]

There are so many things I want to do, and I don't even know where to start.

I need to learn how to sew, more than just a simple T-tunic or skirt and bodice. I need to learn how to follow a modern pattern, and how to make decent Elizabethan garb. Everyone else around here already can, and I look like a pauper at SCA events.

I went to the fabric and crafts store yesterday, and looked at their list of events and organizations. They have dozens of meetings and clubs for knitters and quilters. Of course, there's nothing for crocheters. This means I need to learn how to knit.

I desperately need to learn how to sing. It's something nearly all of my friends do, and it makes me feel sick not to be able to join them. This is probably technically the easiest, but I don't know if it'll be possible - whether or not I'm able to learn, I'm so psychically married to the image of myself as a non-singer, I don't know if I'll be able to get past that block.

After watching the performances at Arisia, I desperately want to get involved in vintage dance again. And middle eastern dance too, even though I know I don't have the body shape for it. And my sweetie wants to take swing lessons, and far be it from me to ever turn down a dance style.

Of course, it's not like I don't have hobbies already. I have my crocheting, and my needlepoint and cross-stitch, and what little sewing I already do. And theatre, and renaissance dance, and cooking, and baking. There just isn't enough space in one lifetime to fit in all the things I want to do.

Part of this, I think, comes from desperately searching for something to be mine. I'm not *good* at any one thing. I've tried, and tried, but I'm just incapable of excelling at anything. No matter what I try, when I tell people about it, it's always met with yawns and the fact that they know someone better than me. Their sister is an award-winning performance dancer. Their girlfriend already stitched that piece, better than I ever could. I have friends who are award-winning musicians; people come from miles around to hear them perform. My damn uncle has a Grammy. I've never won an award. Noone has ever come from miles away to watch me or see me or praise my deeds.

I need to find something I can be good at, something that can be *mine.* My thing, that I do. I don't need or expect to be better than everyone, I just want to be good enough for someone to notice. So I search, and I try, and I wind up with more hobbies than I have the time or money to support. I enjoy them all, of course... I just wish I could find one that was Just Right for me.

Comments

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Ah, my dear, you don't need to be better than other people in order to be good enough for yourself. You mentioned music...I'm a better musician than some, far worse than others, but I'm good enough for ME. I'm not in competition to say "Hey, I'm better than you, that's great!" and I don't feel too let down that there are people who are better than I am at other things. There's ALWAYS someone who's got a knack for something, or who's been doing it for more years, or who gets the award.

You're a special person in your own right, and if people can't see that because they know someone who's better at doing this or that than you are are being silly.

*hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Sir, I thnk you missed the mark a bit. Read more closely:

"I don't need or expect to be better than everyone, I just want to be good enough for someone to notice."

That's not a search for supremacy, but a search for peer recognition. Don't let anyone fool you - humans are social animals, and the recognition of one's peers is important.

This problem comes in many parts. One is who you are among, and how they judge. Competition to be considered good (not best, just good) can be steep. Especially if you're trying to do something that's common among many people (sewing in the SCA, or singing among filkers). And people tend to judge you relative so someone else, rather than your works own objective merits.

That all being said, the lady isn't being entirely honest with herself. There is something she's *good* at. Something for which she gets the respect of other worthy practitioners and laymen alike - her work. Great grades in school, good paying job right out of school, first new grad at the practice to turn a profit in their first quarter. She gets respect from her worthy co-workers, and is building a bevy of people for whom she is the family veterinarian. The lady doesn't count this, but she should. After all, how many of those SCAdian stitchers, vintage dancers, and filkers can amke a living off of what they are *good* at. A few. How many of those can, each and every day, look another person in the face and honestly say they've done a thing that makes the world a better place?

Gosh darn it, when youre *good* at saving lives, alleviating pain, and generally helping people when they've got a loved one with a problem, that should count for something.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

I think that a search for peer recognition rather then being comfortable with yourself on your own merits is perhaps going about it the wrong way.

If you know you're good enough, for yourself at least, then it doesn't really matter what some other people think because, as I said, there are ALWAYS going to be people who will blow you away in your chosen field (unless you're top of the field, naturally). I mean, I ran one marathon, and I finished it. There were thousands of people who ran faster than I did; the winners took less than half the time I did to do that 26.2, but I wasn't in competition with them; I was doing it for *me*


However, I heartily and wholly agree about the veterinary bit; that's something that SHOULD be noticed!

[(Anonymous)]

Gah, sorry folks. I missed a tag to close the italics, and there's no way for me to edit it now.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying this... it's not something I think about a lot, honestly. It's my job, and I sort of assume that everyone is good at their job - good enough to make a living, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.

On the other hand, it's something I love, and I should grant that more importance than I do.

Wow... I know people can take love for granted, but I've never heard of anyone taking job satisfaction for granted... :)

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I was going to write what filkerdave has already said, but he said it, so I'll just point to it and say "Yeah, what he said."

You're already a wonderfully distinctive character. I appreciate wanting to be especially good at things, but I'll also tell you that life has shown me how the total of a person is more than the sum of individual parts.

[almeda.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'll go 'AOL!' at what they said, and add a puzzled, "What do you mean, not the right body shape for middle-eastern dance? Middle-eastern dance's main appeal is that it works with ANY body shape." From Callista Flockhart to that gal who played the mom in What's Eating Gilbert Grape, if you move with the beat and at least attempt isolations, you look good. :->

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

All of the middle-eastern dance I've seen seems to sort of rely on the dancer being all busty and curvy. There are many adjectives that can be used to describe me, but busty just isn't one of them...

You are extremely good at being you.

[autographedcat.livejournal.com]

And that's not something to overlook. You're a warm, generous person with a multitude of different interests. The sum of you far transcends the sum of your parts.

And by the way, if I've never said so: I'm honored to be able to call you a friend.

Love,
-R

Re: You are extremely good at being you.

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Thank you.... *hug*
Likewise to you too, dear. :)

[fireheart.livejournal.com]

On top of all the rest, I happen to think that you are one of the better dancers I have seen.

I also have a question for your special field of expertise, so I will email you.

[fireheart.livejournal.com]

um...no email. OK, I'll ask you here.

I recently rescued a cat from outside. Other than the obvious (feed, water, etc) what do I need to do for this cat?

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

What to do for a new cat:

Take her to a veterinarian for an exam - while she may look healthy at a glance, a vet can make sure she doesn't have any hidden problems.

While she's there, have her tested for Feline Leukemia and FIV. Bring a stool sample so they can test for internal parasites. Assuming she's healthy, vaccinate her - she'll need a rabies and an FVRCP combo vaccine. If she's going to go outdoors, she'll also need a leukemia vaccine.

Spay her, assuming she hasn't already been spayed - they can check this by shaving some fur on her tummy to look for a scar from previous surgery.

Once all this is done, she'll just need an annual checkup and booster vaccines. And, of course, lots of love and petting and toys. :)

[fireheart.livejournal.com]

Thank you much. It is good to have smart friends.

How urgently should I take her to the vet?