On the road again
Feb. 21st, 2002 11:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspritePacking is a bizarre mix of fun and dread, for me. I love the feeling that I'm getting ready to Embary Upon a Journey of Adventure, but I always drive myself half-mad wondering what I've forgotten. I make lists, I double-check, I wander around the house in aimless circles, pondering necessities.
I've remembered socks, and a nightgown - that's what I forget most often, much to my embarassment. I've got my glasses, and plenty of music for the road trip. I'll stash the thigh-boots in someone else's suitcase, since mine is already full. I have costuming, and a ribbon to lace my bodice, and normal clothes for the trip home.
Damn! I forgot to clean the wig for my costume. Okay, I can take care of that later tonight. I've got munchies for the car. I still have to hem the sleeves on my sweetie's tunic.
Of course, all this packing-stress is mostly just to disguise the core nervousness, which is that of visiting a circle of friends I haven't seen in three years. I used to be so active in LARP, but vet school sort of put a temporary end to that. And I didn't part on the best of terms with everyone... I'm sure some people are offended that I just vanished without a word, and I know others are angry over romantic entanglements that they thought would happen but never did.
What if I go there, and noone wants to see me? What if they don't like me, and were happier without me there? Even worse, what if they don't even remember me? What if I spend the whole weekend on the outskirts of social interactions, being ignored or condescended to? I know I miss them, but I don't know how they feel about me. I hate feeling like this - it makes me feel powerless. I like social interactions where I know exactly where the other person stands.
Let's not think about that. Packing. Where did I put my green eyeshadow? Is there room in the suitcase for my chemise and dress, in case I need a disguise costume? Extra shoes, extra shoes.... It'll all be fine if I pack perfectly....
I've remembered socks, and a nightgown - that's what I forget most often, much to my embarassment. I've got my glasses, and plenty of music for the road trip. I'll stash the thigh-boots in someone else's suitcase, since mine is already full. I have costuming, and a ribbon to lace my bodice, and normal clothes for the trip home.
Damn! I forgot to clean the wig for my costume. Okay, I can take care of that later tonight. I've got munchies for the car. I still have to hem the sleeves on my sweetie's tunic.
Of course, all this packing-stress is mostly just to disguise the core nervousness, which is that of visiting a circle of friends I haven't seen in three years. I used to be so active in LARP, but vet school sort of put a temporary end to that. And I didn't part on the best of terms with everyone... I'm sure some people are offended that I just vanished without a word, and I know others are angry over romantic entanglements that they thought would happen but never did.
What if I go there, and noone wants to see me? What if they don't like me, and were happier without me there? Even worse, what if they don't even remember me? What if I spend the whole weekend on the outskirts of social interactions, being ignored or condescended to? I know I miss them, but I don't know how they feel about me. I hate feeling like this - it makes me feel powerless. I like social interactions where I know exactly where the other person stands.
Let's not think about that. Packing. Where did I put my green eyeshadow? Is there room in the suitcase for my chemise and dress, in case I need a disguise costume? Extra shoes, extra shoes.... It'll all be fine if I pack perfectly....
