State of the Knee, Round 3

I made it back to the orthopedist today, and he poked my knee and bent it back and forth, and came to a pretty quick conclusion.

The good news is that he doesn't think it's a recurrence of the synovial plica, and that I don't need more surgery.

The bad news is that I'm developing arthritis, and that I'm pretty much stuck with it for the rest of my life. Oh, he made noises about how, if I feel like it, I can try taking glucosamine and anti-inflammatories and going to physical therapy, but he seemed to think that these were all pretty much just busy-work to make me feel like I'm doing something, and that he doesn't actually expect any of them to help. His final pronouncement was that the best I can hope for is to eventually reach a point where I have more good days than bad ones.

I suppose it could be worse, and I suppose I should be grateful that this is such a livable problem. But.... I'm not.

Damnit, I'm too young to have a permanent problem like this! I'm 32, not 82. I'm thin, I'm fairly muscular, I eat a healthy diet, I'm in an active job, and I exercise regularly. Isn't that supposed to keep you healthy? Isn't that supposed to protect you from crap like this?

I'm not ready to stop moving. I *like* walking, and dancing, and doing yoga, and climbing trees, and a whole host of other things. I'm not ready to just sit down and accept a life of pain and limited mobility. If I were 80, maybe I could swallow it without a problem, though I'm inclined to think that even then I'd be too damn stubborn to surrender quietly. But now? I've only just started my life, it's not fair to make me stop doing things already.

I know this is stupid of me, and that there are people out there with problems that are so much worse, and I'm being selfish and ungrateful, but I can't help it. I'm doing everything I can - I've started mainlining glucosamine, and I'm already taking as much Advil as I can handle, and I'm trying to get through to the physical therapist to make an appointment, but apparently even with all this it's not going to make much of a difference.

Not fair, not fair, not fair. I almost wish it *was* something surgical, because at least then I'd have a chance at getting better. Tomorrow I'll put on a happy face and have faith that I'll still manage what I call for my patients a Decent Quality of Life, but today I think I need a little time to wallow....

Upon Reflection

All righty, then. A few hours and a lot of thought later, I'm a bit more sane and stable when it comes to managing my potential health problems.

Thank you a thousand times over to everyone who chimed in with ideas, suggestions, and support - it means a lot to me, and more importantly, it helped me to see a lot more clearly. I didn't realize how completely my doctor's fatalistic view had influenced me until outside sources pointed out both things I already knew and options that I had no idea existed.

I'm working on getting a second opinion - both to confirm the diagnosis, and to see if I can find a doctor who will work *with* me rather than *at* me, if that makes any sense. And I'm feeling a lot less defeated, with avenues for improvement to look into.

I'm sorry for all the whining earlier today, and I'm especially sorry if I offended other people with chronic health problems - I didn't mean to belittle anyone else's pain, or imply that mine was worse or less deserved, but looking back I can see that I might have come across that way, and I absolutely didn't mean to.

Thanks again. You guys make the world a better place....