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Celebrating
Sep. 13th, 2009 05:49 pmI've been way too down in my writing here, for way too long. Part of that is circumstantial - things have been darn rough, and I've been unwillingly learning just how far into depression I can sink. But part of it has also been the tangential fact that I don't want to write cheesy positivity messages when I don't believe them. Part of the problem with depression, for me, is the fact that when I try to bootstrap myself out of it, anything I can say winds up either sounding plastic and phony, or triggering counter-arguments inside my own head, making things worse.
On the other hand, having hit what at least felt like rock bottom at the time, I'm bouncing back up now, and it makes it a lot easier to see the good things in my life. And, more specifically, the good people that I'm lucky enough to have around me.
Happiness is having a friend that you can wander randomly around town with, debating the nature of the Hero's Quest as it applies to classic fantasy literature, and its implications for female secondary characters and why they're better off dating sidekicks.
It's having friends who, when you're at a party and overwhelmed by anxiety, will take the time to treat you like the panicked wild animal you are - standing nearby, not making any sudden moves or loud noises, and waiting patiently until you accept that the danger has passed and can cautiously step forward to join the circle.
It's having people who care about you enough to volunteer to play in a game they're not really interested in, because they want to help and want the chance to work with you.
It's having a friend who will rearrange their schedule and plans to work around your miserable head cold, in spite of repeated rescheduling.
Friends who will climb mountains with you, friends who will drive for over an hour to watch a play with you, who help you find the tools to fight the demons in your head, who bake cakes with you and write songs for you and invite you to their six-year-old's dance recital and call to tell you when their son is born.
Happiness is having a husband who will do all of this with you, and who also understands when you have to take time with other people as well.
Jobs may be in short supply, and funds and resources scarce, but I am blessed beyond belief by the people in my life. I know I realize this every once in a while, and the worst part of my emotional rollercoaster is the fact that sometimes I can't recognize it - that something tells me that it's not true, they're not here, no matter how real they look - but right now, today, I know it's true, and I know just how lucky I am.
On the other hand, having hit what at least felt like rock bottom at the time, I'm bouncing back up now, and it makes it a lot easier to see the good things in my life. And, more specifically, the good people that I'm lucky enough to have around me.
Happiness is having a friend that you can wander randomly around town with, debating the nature of the Hero's Quest as it applies to classic fantasy literature, and its implications for female secondary characters and why they're better off dating sidekicks.
It's having friends who, when you're at a party and overwhelmed by anxiety, will take the time to treat you like the panicked wild animal you are - standing nearby, not making any sudden moves or loud noises, and waiting patiently until you accept that the danger has passed and can cautiously step forward to join the circle.
It's having people who care about you enough to volunteer to play in a game they're not really interested in, because they want to help and want the chance to work with you.
It's having a friend who will rearrange their schedule and plans to work around your miserable head cold, in spite of repeated rescheduling.
Friends who will climb mountains with you, friends who will drive for over an hour to watch a play with you, who help you find the tools to fight the demons in your head, who bake cakes with you and write songs for you and invite you to their six-year-old's dance recital and call to tell you when their son is born.
Happiness is having a husband who will do all of this with you, and who also understands when you have to take time with other people as well.
Jobs may be in short supply, and funds and resources scarce, but I am blessed beyond belief by the people in my life. I know I realize this every once in a while, and the worst part of my emotional rollercoaster is the fact that sometimes I can't recognize it - that something tells me that it's not true, they're not here, no matter how real they look - but right now, today, I know it's true, and I know just how lucky I am.
