Moving forward
Nov. 6th, 2001 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ladyspriteI did something I'm very proud of today - I saw my first saint bernard patient since the accident.
It's been almost a year since I was bitten, and the memories and the scars have faded. Even when I close my eyes, I can only vaguely remember what it felt like to have that thing's jaws wrapped around my face, crushing and tearing... okay, it's still vivid, but it's like I'm watching - I don't still feel it. And I'm fine working with big dogs still, I never got to the point where that was a problem. But I developed what I thought was a pretty reasonable aversion to saint bernards.
And today, at dinnertime, I was the only doctor free to see appointments, and one was in. Huge, bigger than me, all muzzle and face and muscle, and I'm not usually a scared or fearful person, but I could feel my palms sweating and my heart moving up out of my chest because I just *knew* it was going to lunge at me as soon as I was close enough, but the clients can't wait, and I had to go in there. I had to touch it. I had to put my hands on it's face, right near that huge, face-ripping mouth, stick needles in it, squeeze it and poke it in angry-making ways...
And I did it. And I lived, and it was okay. No scars, no lunging, not even a little growl. No big deal, at least outwardly.
I'm not saying I want to go buy one for myself, but it's at least a little step in the right direction....
It's been almost a year since I was bitten, and the memories and the scars have faded. Even when I close my eyes, I can only vaguely remember what it felt like to have that thing's jaws wrapped around my face, crushing and tearing... okay, it's still vivid, but it's like I'm watching - I don't still feel it. And I'm fine working with big dogs still, I never got to the point where that was a problem. But I developed what I thought was a pretty reasonable aversion to saint bernards.
And today, at dinnertime, I was the only doctor free to see appointments, and one was in. Huge, bigger than me, all muzzle and face and muscle, and I'm not usually a scared or fearful person, but I could feel my palms sweating and my heart moving up out of my chest because I just *knew* it was going to lunge at me as soon as I was close enough, but the clients can't wait, and I had to go in there. I had to touch it. I had to put my hands on it's face, right near that huge, face-ripping mouth, stick needles in it, squeeze it and poke it in angry-making ways...
And I did it. And I lived, and it was okay. No scars, no lunging, not even a little growl. No big deal, at least outwardly.
I'm not saying I want to go buy one for myself, but it's at least a little step in the right direction....
no subject
Date: 2001-11-07 08:23 am (UTC)*big hugs*