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ladyspriteI was feeling better, really I was. I was still kind of mopey and grumpy, but at least the world wasn't out to get me anymore. At least, I didn't think it was.
Then my mother called to tell me that our dog died. She wasn't my dog, at least not anymore - I hadn't lived at home with her since I graduated from college. She was more my mom's dog than anyone else's, and I honestly didn't think about her that much when I wasn't home and visiting. Still, I remember picking her out from the pet store when I was thirteen, when I was supposed to be buying a winter coat, and arguing with my baby sister over what to name her, and playing with her, and I remember her being my dog for years before I went away to school. And even though it feels pretentious and selfish, given that I only saw her twice a year for the past mumblemany years, I miss her.
But I could handle it. She was an old dog, with a lot of problems, and she was already out of my life in a lot of ways.
Then I found out today that my father-in-law has been hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat. No further news available at this time, no idea as of yet what's causing it or how severe the problem is or what the underlying cause is. And he's not my father; I've only known him for a few years and while I admire and respect him, I don't know if I have the right to say we're close. And again, it feels so pretentious and selfish to be upset and worried, when my husband is the one dealing with the problem in a much more intense and close manner.
Still.... this is really wreaking havoc on my positive outlook. I have done my best to bootstrap myself up into a good mood, and as far as I can tell the universe is doing everything it can to nudge me back down into the quagmire of unhappiness again. And while I try not to be superstitious, I have far too much evidence to the contrary to doubt that things like this come in threes.
I think I'm going to duck and cover as much as I can, and beg everyone I know and care about to drive carefully, eat your veggies, and tell your loved ones that you love them at the first opportunity....
Then my mother called to tell me that our dog died. She wasn't my dog, at least not anymore - I hadn't lived at home with her since I graduated from college. She was more my mom's dog than anyone else's, and I honestly didn't think about her that much when I wasn't home and visiting. Still, I remember picking her out from the pet store when I was thirteen, when I was supposed to be buying a winter coat, and arguing with my baby sister over what to name her, and playing with her, and I remember her being my dog for years before I went away to school. And even though it feels pretentious and selfish, given that I only saw her twice a year for the past mumblemany years, I miss her.
But I could handle it. She was an old dog, with a lot of problems, and she was already out of my life in a lot of ways.
Then I found out today that my father-in-law has been hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat. No further news available at this time, no idea as of yet what's causing it or how severe the problem is or what the underlying cause is. And he's not my father; I've only known him for a few years and while I admire and respect him, I don't know if I have the right to say we're close. And again, it feels so pretentious and selfish to be upset and worried, when my husband is the one dealing with the problem in a much more intense and close manner.
Still.... this is really wreaking havoc on my positive outlook. I have done my best to bootstrap myself up into a good mood, and as far as I can tell the universe is doing everything it can to nudge me back down into the quagmire of unhappiness again. And while I try not to be superstitious, I have far too much evidence to the contrary to doubt that things like this come in threes.
I think I'm going to duck and cover as much as I can, and beg everyone I know and care about to drive carefully, eat your veggies, and tell your loved ones that you love them at the first opportunity....
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-21 11:06 pm (UTC){{{{{hugs}}}}} if you want them.
None of the emotions you are feeling are pretentious or selfish. Your father-in-law is an important person to your SO. Being upset and worried is a natural reaction because it does concern you. Your dog was an important part of your life during some very crucial years.
Indulge your cares and concerns. And take care of yourself, drive carefully and eat your veggies.....
no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 12:19 am (UTC)I love you.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 01:27 am (UTC)p.s. yup, fresh veggies from the garden. yum.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 05:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 12:14 pm (UTC)Valid: Worrying and grieving.
Who cares if he hasn't been *your* dog in a long time? He was a part of your youth, and you have loving memories of him. Besides that, your mother is grieving, and you're sharing it with her. Makes her feel less alone.
Who cares if he isn't *your* relative, and you've only known him for a couple of years? He's a part of your marriage, and you have loving memories of him. Besides that, your husband is worrying, and you're sharing it with him. Makes him feel less alone.
Heck, we as a country have been collectively worrying and grieving over people we've never even met. Doesn't make us pretentious. Makes us compassionate.
no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 12:46 pm (UTC)It probably doesn't help that her husband, being part Vulcan, tends up hold off outward aspects of worrying until such time as they are practical. It leaves him cool under pressure, but means that his behavior doesn't always match what people expect at such times. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-09-22 09:21 pm (UTC)