Herd Health

[ladysprite]

When you hear hoofbeats think horses, not zebras. It's one of the basic tenets of veterinary medicine (and, for all I know, human medicine too). It means, more or less, that when you're presented with a case, the most common explanation for the symptoms is usually the most likely to be correct. For example, when you have a little fluffy doggie who's fed mostly table scraps that comes in with a complaint of vomiting for a couple of days, it's much more likely to have an upset stomach from too much rich food than, say, a testicular tumor that's caused its prostate to enlarge to the point that it obstructs his bladder, leading to acute kidney failure.

Or, just as a f'rinstance, when you have a young, apparently healthy animal that comes in with a history of seizures, it's almost always caused by epilepsy, and almost never caused by an externally-undetectable and exceptionally rare heart defect causing blood to flow backwards in its body, triggering an overproduction of red blood cells and subsequent overconsumption of energy resources until the brain malfunctions from energy depletion.

So. When you hear hoofbeats think horses, not zebras. Unless you happen to be working in one particular corner of West Virginia - in that case, no matter how much you try to paint over the stripes and braid extensions into their manes, you will eventually have to accept the fact that not only are you sitting right in the middle of a zebra herd, if you look hard enough at the edges you can see a small but triumphant clan of unicorns prancing along tossing their horns in sheer mockery of your outdated concept of 'common medical problems.'

Since arriving here a little more than two weeks ago, I've had fully half a dozen cases that qualify as 'my, that's unusual,' at least one 'it's not supposed to work that way,' and two animals that have managed to boggle the specialists at the closest referral institute. It's definitely keeping me from getting bored at work, and I'm sure that having all of the weirdness grouped into one small area is a valuable public service, making diagnosis much easier for everyone in the rest of the world, but I do feel just a bit sorry for pet owners here - I've reached a point where I'm almost dreading having to explain *anything* to owners.

"Yes, miss, I'm sure that when your aunt's dog had itchy skin, she treated it for fleas and it got better. And I'm sure the same thing was true for your cousin's dog, and your friend's dog in Pennsylvania, and every dog you owned as a child in Ohio. But due to the local Wacky Diagnosis Zone, your itchy dog has somehow managed to sneak into the Kroger's parking lot and devour a case of polar bear liver that, by obscure coincidence, was mistakenly delivered here instead of the Cincinnatti Zoo. This has led to a phenomenally rare but fatal vitamin overdose, which will cause his skin to explode in about three minutes. You might wish to move into the lobby now....."

Comments

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

When you hear hoofbeats think horses, not zebras. It's one of the basic tenets of veterinary medicine (and, for all I know, human medicine too).

It depends upon how long they've been practicing human medicine. Sometimes new doctors go looking for zebras first.

Last year, when quietann went in for a diagnostic procedure, I gave her a small stuffed zebra to bring with her. I don't know if it helped, but the doctor didn't find any other zebras.

[jiggliusceasar.livejournal.com]

I hope that my human doctor hears hoofbeats, the first thing he thinks of is that something's wrong with my feet.

Don't keep us in suspense.

[jadasc.livejournal.com]

What would the zoo need with a case of polar bear liver? Transplants? And what would the dog do without its skin?

:)

[elisethestrange.livejournal.com]

That's it, I'm coming to do my volunteer hours at your clinic.

[droewyn.livejournal.com]

Oh! I did suggest you read her, didn't I? :)

Becky, meet Julia. ^^

[fractalgeek.livejournal.com]

How long do you have to keep a polar bear in the dark before its liver is safe...?

Wall of Weird?

[umbran.livejournal.com]

But due to the local Wacky Diagnosis Zone...

Hm. Time to check the local records. Perhaps some years ago there was a meteor shower that left behind a bunch of funny green glowing rocks?

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

Maybe spiritdance kindly did all the normal diagnoses and told all her clients to hold off on the Wacky Cases until you came, so you'd have some entertainment?

Or one of the hurricanes dropped a Somebody's Weird Problem field in WV on its way to extratropical status?

Or your vet-school alma mater has a Medium-Distance Weird Problem Field that's interacting orthogonally with spiritdance's Rural Vet Anode Emitter?

Or it's spiritdance's cats who are jealous of David Samuel and are creating a massive Disturbance of the Force?

Time for Lou and Peter Barryman's "Speculator," I think...

[spiritdancer]

Well, since the referral center in question already knows me fairly well (ie, the referral co-ordinator knows my voice on the phone with when I say "yes" in response to "could you hold, please?")

And that's where I got one consultant telling me about the unicorns running thru my office.

I dunno what the cause is, but it sure makes life in the office interesting :->

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

I think I'm coming up there and spinning some nickels, because one is sure to end up on its edge.

[warinbear.livejournal.com]

I was more than halfway wondering whether this was another of those down-the-rabbit-hole entries.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm glad you're not bored... :-)

[thebeardedone.livejournal.com]

Ooooo, pretty unicorns!

[lakshmi-amman.livejournal.com]

:) We use the same exact phrase here in engineering. In terms of "try the simple, easy answer first, if that doesn't work, try the more challenging, jumping-through-hoops answer". We have a guy in my office who I've termed the zebra-finder. Literally every problem, he can give you a complicated, 20 step plan for zebra management, when all you were doing was looking for a simple horse stall.

Maybe I should send him to you?

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

At least the people with the teacup griffins and jackalopes haven't caught up with you.

[rabbitorf.livejournal.com]

Dr. Couto used that phrase in class today and it reminded me of you :)

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Dr. Couto rocks my world. He's one of the best (and most fun) teachers there.

I miss vet school. Gyeah, I never thought I'd say that....

[tafkad.livejournal.com]

Maybe when you hear the hoofbeats, you should look up to see if there's a giraffe.

(Ungulate! Ungulate! Dance to the mu-sic!)

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

For me, when I hear hoofbeats, it means that the chicken has learned to ride. And I don't assume that it wasted its time on a mere horse....

I truly fear the chicken.