Unpleasant Milestones

[ladysprite]

I like to keep track of various milestones in my professional life - it helps me remember that I'm growing and learning as a veterinarian, and it's nice siometimes to have a reminder of my accomplishments. I've used this journal for just that reason, fairly often. I've got reminders of my first days at new jobs, my first time performing particularly challenging surgeries, my first triumphs over sticky diagnoses or challenging treatments. Unfortunately, not all milestones are nice. Today's noteworthy accomplishment, for example, happened to be my Youngest Ever Euthanasia.

It's spring, and the early weeks of kitten season are upon us. This is usually good - it means that I'll get to spend most of May wandering around with kittens in my pockets, giving out diagnoses of mostly-healthy incredibly cute baby animals and watching kids pick out names for their brand-new bundle of striped fluffy goodness. Right now, though, I'm having to deal with the ones that never make it to that point.

This kitten - two, maybe three weeks old - was abandoned by its mother, for good reason. It had some pretty severe neurological problems, and probably wouldn't make it to adulthood. And if it did, it probably wouldn't have improved, and probably would have had a pretty lousy life. The person who found it did the right thing by letting it go.

The problem is, 'probably' weighs a lot heavier when making the decision to euthanize an old, sad, sick animal that has already had a long, happy life than it does with a three-week-old kitten. Probably isn't definitely, and there's a part of me that feels like I'm not giving the baby every chance in the world to make it. The urge to take the poor thing home myself and spend the next month bottle-feeding it every two hours, padding its cage so it can't hurt itself rolling uncontrollably, and getting inordinately attatched to it just in time for it to die at the still-inexcusable age of twelve weeks, or six months, was almost uncontrollable. I probably wouldn't have been doing it any favors, though. Probably.

Death is pretty much always unfair. It just feels even more so, right now.

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

Death is pretty much always unfair. It just feels even more so, right now.

Yeah, that. For what it's worth, coming from not-a-professional, I think you did the right thing, hard as it was.

And I offer a gentle hug, if that would help.

[madamruppy.livejournal.com]

not fun - hugs

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

*hugs you close*

*HUG*

[crash-mccormick.livejournal.com]

Damn hard to make those calls in any form. Damn hard.
*HUG*

[ladyqkat.livejournal.com]

I had a kitten that was born with a neurological problem that affected her co-ordination. Some people freaked when they met her and on her first visit to the vet I was told that if she lived past a year, she would have a pretty good life. It was a crap shoot, but I decided to keep her. She lived to be sixteen and was the stabilizing influence for me during a very stressful time. However, if her condition had been much worse, I probably would have put her down as a kitten. Because she did require a lot of attention, but she was also very smart. And, at the time, I did have the time to give her that attention.

I am truly sorry for this sad milestone in your career and only told you this to let you know that I do believe you did what was best, hard as it was.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, it was a hard call, but you did what had to be done. You gave mercy with love. Hugs, a cup of tea, and box of Puffs.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

I understand exactly how you feel. I think, in your position, I'd have been trying to remember that boldly written exception that said if you were willing to love and care for such an animal, it would miraculously rewire its circuitry and grow up to be a happy, healthy, playful and affectionate cat who would live a long and wonderful life.

But deep down, I'd know that there were no exceptions, and hate it.

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Life is tough sometimes, and this is definitely one of them.

[greenman65.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

(and a lick from Spiff, our own short-tailed black cat who I've just had an uncontrollable urge to go and cuddle after reading your post)

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

Hugs and condolences. Sometimes it's just so hard to do what you know is the right thihg; doing it nonetheless is what makes you a good person.

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

Sorry you had to go through that, but it does sound the right decision (albeit a painful one).