Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back

[ladysprite]

I am still a work in progress. I accept this, and I know I always will be. I have flaws, and I have hangups, and I'm working on handling them. I know that I have trouble with confidence, and that I'm a worrier, and that while I'm making strides forward I still have a long way to go.

But damnit, I had managed to convince myself that I was over my body image issues. I really and truly thought I was. I've been wearing shorts in public this summer, I went shopping for jeans without major trauma, I've even managed for the most part to avoid the scales at work.

And then reality comes along and slaps me in the face with the realization that I'm so far from over this particular issue that it's almost funny. And I don't even have a good reason for being this way, and I don't like being this way, and I don't want to think like this, and even while I'm recognizing the problem and the fact that it's unreasonable, I also know that this is going to mean at least a week of fat-free Weight Watchers yogurt for lunch and twice-daily weigh-ins.

Oh, well. I've climbed back out of this pit before, and I will again. I just need to learn that, even once I'm out of here, I've still got a lot of self-work to do on this particular topic....

Comments

[dagibbs.livejournal.com]

My partner, gabriel_le, keeps saying she's "over" her eating/weight issues. And it keeps coming back, sometimes disguised, but it keeps coming back. And every time she says she's over it, even the first, I've told her -- know, you're dealing well right now, and healing, but not over it. It will come back. Hopefully, you'll recognise it faster, and deal better next time -- that's usually the case -- but you're not over it. That takes a lifetime.

*hugs*

[glinda-w.livejournal.com]

Eeep. GoodThoughts for getting through this.

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly*

I don't know how to help you? But ... but ... but ... agh! You, of all people, should not have body image issues. You are *lovely*. *hugshugshugs* And smart and funny too.

I am sorry this happens to you. It really shouldn't! Evil issues in head go'way! *chases them off with a pitchfork and torch*

By the way, are you going to be around when we're in Boston? I wanna see you again! *hugs*

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

When are you going to be in town? Things are a bit hectic now with packing and moving and stuff, but I'd love to get together!

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

Umm. We're arriving the 19th at 5:30 and leaving the ... *checks* 24th at 1:45. (: Would love to see you if you're not overwhelmed with moving. (:

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Hm. I know it's short notice, but what are you doing Sunday night?

[vettecat.livejournal.com]

I hope you can slap your self-image around a little and convince it to leave you alone...

[arachne8x.livejournal.com]

I know how this feels and it is really hard to feel that out of control when it comes to these issues. Here's hoping that you soon feel stronger and more in love with your body.

[tafkad.livejournal.com]

I'm so far from over this particular issue that it's almost funny.

Maybe you should find a way in your mind to make it funny for real.

That isn't callous, really. I've found that I can live with an awful lot, as long as I can mock it. It got me through brain surgery, and the times that were the worst were the times when I lost the humor. So I worked hard to get it back.

I suspect it wasn't reality that came along and slapped you in the face. It was probably stress about other things. Many people deal with stress via food, so perhaps you're dealing with it the same way, only using yogurt instead of ice cream.

Either way, I hope you're happy soon. You're one of my best friends, and I hate that you're not happy.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Hm. Darlin', there's nothing to feel bad about if you find that there's still some traps in your head. Old pains stick around a surprisingly long time.

I've gotten to feel (in my case at least - YMMV, of course) that there's no point in adding to that pain by feeling bad about those pains. Let them be, and let them heal. They won't heal any faster if you try to force them.

I hope you're feeling better about this; I've been wanting to respond, but life has kept me awfully busy and low on energy.