Getting My Hands Dirty Again

[ladysprite]

One of the few downsides of doing relief work is that I don't get to do a lot of surgery. Most clinics, when they're bringing someone in for just a day or two, don't necessarily want that person to be cutting patients open - and, to be honest, when I don't know a clinic too well, I'm reluctant to do surgery in their facilities. Aside from not knowing the skills and reliability of the techs, I don't mean to sound like a snob, but I can't count on them having equipment and resources that are up to my standards for patient care.

But I realized last week that it had been over a year since I had performed surgery. And that was kind of worrisome - while last year was spent more focusing on myself than anything else, I don't want to lose my medical skills in the process. And surgery is one of those things that, the longer I don't do it, the more I'm a bit hesitant to start again. It's scary, and it's dangerous, and it's easy to get caught up in fretting about the risks of anesthesia, the scariness of cutting stuff in an unknown hospital, and the concern that, being out of practice, I'll have lost the necessary skills and dexterity and won't be able to give the patient the best possible care.

So I made up my mind to bite the bullet, find a clinic that I'm comfortable with, and ask whether they'd be comfortable with me doing surgery at their facility. I've got a few weeks coming up where I'll be at one clinic for the full week; that should give me the time to familiarize myself with their staff and their equipment, and get comfortable with the concept, right?

Except I was short-circuited in that attempt by walking into work Monday morning and having the other doctor ask whether I'd mind spending the day doing surgery, since she was hoping to get out of the surgery rotation at the hospital. A hospital I've worked at pretty frequently for the past few years, and that I'm quite comfortable with the extraordinarily skilled techs and high standards of care.

I wasn't quite expecting to be thrown into it that quickly, but... it was what I'd been planning to do, wasn't it? So I swallowed my worries and said yes.

Here's the other thing about surgery. For all that I worry about it the longer I'm away from it, once I actually get dressed up and start the procedure.... I love it. I forget that when I'm not doing it, but there's something amazing and fascinating and simultaneously exciting and comfortable about it - the feel of the instruments in my hand, the sound of the monitoring machines, the patient under my care, the knowledge of what has to be done, the sheer coolness of being able to cut a living thing open, poke and prod at its innards, sew it up with a needle and thread, and have it walk away... and most of all, the fact that I'm working with my hands to make something better. Deep in my heart of hearts, I love working with my hands more than almost anything - I'm happiest when I'm touching and doing and making, and this is the one aspect of veterinary medicine that lets me do that more than anything else.

There's still a little part of me that's slightly concerned about having done it, and about having to do it again; I don't think I'll ever lose that. But there's a much bigger part that can't wait for the chance to do it again in a couple of weeks.....

Comments

[aries-walker.livejournal.com]

Well done! I take it the ailing beastie is A-OK now?

(It was either this avatar, or Bill the Cat, by the way. I went with the happier one.)

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

Yep - it was a routine elective procedure, and everything went just fine. :)

[glinda-w.livejournal.com]

/me smiles wryly at another instance of "be careful what you ask for" at work...

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

That's wonderful! I'm glad you got to do surgery, and that you'll get to do so again soon.

[pagawne.livejournal.com]

Darlin', I'd worry much more about my animal if *you* didn't worry, or if you were blase about it. See< feel quite confidant you are a good surgeon.

[wren13.livejournal.com]

You should make sure your hospitals know you want to do surgery, many relief vets are doing that because they prefer medicine. I get hired by folks who don't like surgery, so they can dump in all on me (yeah!). Today I got to do an exploratory on a ferret with peritonitis - never seen before, yes there are pics!
(Sorry to everyone else for the gross doctor squee, but Ladysprite will get it)

[citabria]

This is incredibly awesome. Seriously -- more than I can express. Reading what surgery's like for you ... wow.

[z-gryphon.livejournal.com]

This is just a layman's opinion, so take it for what it's worth, but I think if you didn't have that kernel of concern, you wouldn't be a good surgeon. Yes, surgeons have to be confident, but lacking all concern isn't confidence, it's just arrogance.

[ravenrose.livejournal.com]

The Universe was clearly just trying to get you over the nerves hurdle quickly, and less painfully... throwing you in the deep end, as it were.

And hearing how you head works in regards to surgery... I'd put my fur babies in your hands without question.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

I second the "be careful what you ask for" comment.

And if I lived near you, you'd be my vet-of-choice.

[mbumby.livejournal.com]

Cool. I think the fates were saying "yup -- that's where you belong -- welcome back".

[gmkieran.livejournal.com]

have I mentioned lately, Dr. Becky, that you rock?!!!!