ladysprite | For Sale: One veterinarian, slightly used

Writing a resume has always struck me as one of the most frustrating, shady, borderline-dishonest activities that is still acceptable in modern society. I know that the idea is to provide an honest image of yourself and your relevant experience and abilities, but somehow the practice has degenerated into a frenzy of hunting down action verbs, padding your reality with euphemisms and hints, and generally straddling a painful line between semi-dignified pleading and blatant braggery.

Of course, this all has to fit in one page, too, so it's all chopped up into grammatically painful fragments. And everyone else is doing the same thing, so you need to find some way to make it flashy and jazzy, without looking flashy or jazzy. Choosing an employee should never be a matter of what kind of paper they use; so I only have access to an old, tired printer - does that make me a bad doctor?

Maybe I'll just toss the whole idea aside and just print out a big, pink sheet of paper saying 'Pick Me, I'm Cool!' I can put little testimonials from my friends on it, and bullet points of my special features - laser surgery, exotics medicine, kung-fu grip, brushable hair....