Balance

[ladysprite]

I think I need to learn again how to find equilibrium in my life. I have gotten so used to being on the go constantly, running at full-tilt, that I've kind of forgotten any other way to be, and when I'm not in maximum overdrive I start to fret and worry and feel lost and at loose ends.

My life isn't quiet or slow, by any measure - but things have been so frenetic that any change from that pace feels bizarre in comparison. I was looking at my schedule for this week, and realized that I was worrying about how slow it seemed - no evening plans at any point during the week. Except, of course, my weekly visit to my hospitalized friend. And an evening out soliciting donations for the 3 Day raffle with my husband. And the one night a week that I work late. And then, of course, dinner with another friend, who called last night.

Which is kind of not empty. But... more to the point, I need to learn to remember that empty isn't necessarily bad. I need time alone with my husband. I need time to relax, and maybe watch some of the TV shows that I'm a month behind on, and work on some of the crafting projects that have been languishing. I need to make dinner more than once a week, work out more than a couple of times, sleep more than six hours a night.

I need socializing to feel good, not like an obligation, and I need time at home to feel good and normal and positive, rather than triggering constant worrying that either I'm forgetting something, I'm being lazy, or that there's no one else in the world who wants my company.

I'm just not quite sure how to do this....

Comments

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

When you figure it out, would you let me know?

.... of course, that probably requires that I actually *have* some free time ... *sigh*

[darxus.livejournal.com]

http://zenhabits.net/the-art-of-doing-nothing/

This morning, before I got in my car, I put a lawn chair in the middle of my driveway and sat in the warm sun for about 10 minutes. It was nice.

[metaphysick.livejournal.com]

Actually, just coming to this realization means that you're off to a good start. The rest is patience and practice.

[evcelt.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Well, meditation might help, in a couple of ways.

Okay, what is meditation? There are various types, but a lot are set for clearing what some folks call the "monkey brain".

See, there's you - the observer, the essential Rebecca.

Then, there's your brain. Your brain will fire more or less at random, 'saying' things. This is what those folks call the "monkey brain"; it scrambles about and does amusing things, but it's not you.

Now, one can control the monkey brain, but it's not instinctive. So, the idea is to meditate. Say, focus on your breath. You'll notice the monkey brain - it will probably say something like "okay, focusing on my breath. Ooops! Wait, I'm not supposed to say that. Okay. Mmmmmmmmmm... focusing - DRAT! I'm still *saying* it!"

The goal is not to have l33t m3ditat10n sk1llz, and be able to shut down the monkey brain in an instant. It's to learn a bit about your brain and slowly get an understanding of what's *you* and what's the monkey brain. It's very much an exercise, and it's usually an exercise of muscles that are very week.

And I think this might help in two big ways.

1) You're forcing yourself to stop and sit for a time - maybe just ten minutes - and nothing bad is going to happen.

2) You're learning a bit about how to tell that part of your brain that's panicked because nothing's happening to quiet down for now... and learning a bit about when you're truly concerned, and when it's just the monkey brain making you concerned.

[felis-sidus.livejournal.com]

Practice. Some years ago I realized that it's essential for me to waste a certain amount of time. By "waste", I mean "spend time not doing anything that could remotely be considered a constructive use of time". So, just sitting, looking out a window, sitting in the yard, taking a leisurely stroll, reading a book that could justifiably be called 'brain candy', watching the equivalent kind of television program," and so on. The trick was to do it without feeling that I was doing something wrong. I started small - just a couple of minutes a week, and worked up. At this point, I may have worked up a bit too far, but at least I'm enjoying my "wasted" time!