Deep Down Inside, I Am Evil

[ladysprite]

I don't like to admit it, but I have a fondness for reality cooking competition shows. In particular, I have recently developed a shameful interest in Chopped - especially the current All Stars edition.

(For those not familiar with the show, each episode involves four chefs competing over 3 courses; for each course they get a set of four ingredients they have to use. Some ingredients are good, some are... at best random.)

And this is fascinating, and it's a cool exercise in creativity, and I love playing along at home and trying to think of what I would make if I were in their situation. But just once, instead of the standard collection of excellent and bizarre ingredients, like skirt steak, turnips, sweet potatoes, and fruit leather, I'd just love - just once - to see something truly bizarre and prankworthy.

I just have a vision of the contestants' faces as they open their basket and the voiceover announces, 'Today's mandatory appetizer ingredients are..... Branston Pickle, Cocoa Puffs, Sawdust, and The Contents Of Some Random Tupperware We Found In The Back Of Bobby Flay's Refrigerator. Your 20 minutes start..... NOW!'

This is how I know I am secretly a bad person.

(Also, I just love saying Branston Pickle. If I had a son, I would name him that. This, in turn, is how I know I should never reproduce.)

Comments

[janetmiles.livejournal.com]

You are awesomely and adorably evil, and I am delighted to know you.

[blaisepascal]

The first season of Iron Chef (the original Japanese version) was sort of like that: the chefs had absolutely no clue as to what the theme ingredient was going to be. While the theme ingredients weren't necessarily unusual (salmon, foie gras, blowfish, tofu, lobster, etc), the stress of not knowing was hard on the chefs. They eventually went to giving them a list of 5 possible theme ingredients, which gave them a chance to prepare a little.

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

I admit, I preferred it when they didn't know. .... or maybe it's still just that I really prefer the Japanese version to the American one. I'm still in awe over Chen-sama's potato butterflies.

[leanne-opaskar.livejournal.com]

What, the episode with the gummy bears wasn't enough? {:

[suzilem.livejournal.com]

I'd love to see an episode with Scott Conant faced with red onion, american cheese, fish sticks, and chocolate. :-)

[ianargent.livejournal.com]

Fish fingers and custard!

[deguspice.livejournal.com]

You could name your next kitty "Branston Pickle".

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

And then, after your son tracked you down after roaming all the nursery schools in the world, he'd beat you in tickle fight, and you'd explain that gravel in his gut and that spit in his eye was because you named him Branston Pickle. And... nah, it doesn't scan.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

Bwee, I had the same thought. I wish I had a copy of the song and a spare afternoon to write the Branston Pickle Version.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

Nod. I thought it should be a children's song, to avoid the big knockdown dragout fight at the end. I was horrified today to realize that I'd completely inadvertently made the song a greater possibility since the method of combat rhymes with the name....

[droewyn.livejournal.com]

In the same vein, I always wanted to see some really strange Iron Chef ingredients. I mean, any of those guys can make something amazing out of sea bream or truffles. I want to see what they'd do with aerosol cheese. Or spam.

[bess.livejournal.com]

My kids are addicted to that show for some reason... that and Cupcake Wars. I don't know why they love the food channel, but I occasionally walk in and find all 3 of them mesmerized by it.

[ravenrose.livejournal.com]

On Sweet Genius, one of the dessert ingrediants was Cheese Spread... for dessert. They often have extremely non-desserty ingrediates which have to be used creatively in sweets... and they get the second mandatory ingrediant when they are halfway into their cooking. I love that show.

[mneme]

But Branston Pickle {YourLastName} has such a lovely ring to it!

Well, sort of. But Bran would make for a kingly nickname, and I like the idea of someone sternly saying "Branston Pickle, you are in a pickle!"

[ianargent.livejournal.com]

Well, a son named Branston who is nicknamed "Pickles" just suggests a certain kind of yuppie.

[ladymacgregor.livejournal.com]

My lord (also a huge Chopped fan) says he would choose fugu (Japanese blowfish, the lethal-if-not-prepared-correctly kind), absinthe, cinnamon hot balls, and kimchee.

For the dessert round.

Personally, when I watch this program, I always feel really bad for the chefs, and I wouldn't want to eat MOST of what they cook. So I watch Jeopardy! instead.

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

"I just love saying Branston Pickle. If I had a son, I would name him that."

Embarrassing middle names are entirely reasonable. The only question is, would your last name work well with Branston?

Also, I like Chopped too. I admit, I've never seen a basket on the show where I recognized everything, although there was one time where I had a vague idea of what I'd try in spite of my ignorance. ("Okay, put the licorice root in the limoncello and bring it to a boil...")

[dornbeast.livejournal.com]

Oh, one other thing - in the online game Kingdom of Loathing, you can be faced with a Bronze Chef (http://kol.coldfront.net/thekolwiki/index.php/Bronze_Chef). It can only be defeated by handing it a plastic container of leftovers.

Clearly, you're not the only one to think like this. You're just slightly more serious about the idea.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

I love Chopped, too :D

[hungrytiger]

"Branston Pickle, Cocoa Puffs, Sawdust, and The Contents Of Some Random Tupperware"

That's not a Chopped challenge, that's what we do most nights trying to find dinner in our house.