Money Matters

[ladysprite]

Apologies for the rant that's about to follow, but....

So I've been thinking a lot recently about social classes, and financial privilege. And I have to wonder - at what point of material well-being does one become incapable of comprehending that there are people whose upbringing did not match theirs?

Because I have a significant handful of friends - good friends, good people - who grew up fairly well-off, who are just incapable of comprehending this. They weren't wealthy, and that's all that they see, and so they feel that they grew up underprivileged. And, by extrapolation, that anyone else who claims the label 'underprivileged' grew up in a situation like theirs.

And to be honest, it frustrates me, because... well, there was a bit more challenge to growing up on food stamps, or with sometimes not enough money for both heat and food, than to growing up with only one summer home and no in-ground pool.

I grew up lower-middle class. Food stamps, reduced-price school lunches, hand-me-down clothes from my cousin who was sixteen years older than me. And yet I understand that it could have been a hell of a lot worse, and that there were people out there who DID have it a lot worse - we had enough food (mostly cheap stuff like Hamburger Helper, but it was food), we had a phone and tv.

And I think that's what confuses me the most. It seems like, at some level of privilege, people become incapable of recognizing that some people have it worse. And I don't understand how this happens, or at what point - or when the assumption becomes that everyone starts life off with more or less the same resources as you.

(And on that note, don't get me started on 'We're not rich, we WORKED for our money!' So did my family. The only difference is we started out with a lot more debt and a lot fewer resources, and earned a lot less. We weren't poor because we were lazy; we were poor because no one paid for our education or sent us out into the world with a stock portfolio and a trust fund.)

That said... ultimately what I want is to understand, and figure out how to explain. Because it's no one's fault that they grew up in different circumstances, and ultimately, as I said, they're good people. But I think that finding a way to communicate clearly this difference in experiences and circumstances would go a long way to improving the situation in this country.....

Comments

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

at what point of material well-being does one become incapable of comprehending that there are people whose upbringing did not match theirs?

None.

By which I mean, I don't think it's about level, but exposure. We have a natural tendency to assume that others are like us until proved otherwise...if you don't ever confront the fact that people can be much worse off than you, face to face, not in the abstract "give money to others" sense, not through just hearing about it, but really seeing it, smelling it, tasting it (as it were)...you don't really understand.

(I'll not mention exactly when it was that I learned this lesson. Let's just say it was probably later than you would expect.)

[siderea]

By which I mean, I don't think it's about level, but exposure. We have a natural tendency to assume that others are like us until proved otherwise...


Right. It's not just that that people who grew up financially better off don't know what it's like to grow up in more straitened circumstances, people who grew up in poverty have no idea what it was like to grow up with more.

The difference is that the poor are not in a position to do harm to the less poor by establishing let-them-eat-cake public policy.

The similarlity is that this, too, can have tragic consequences for those with less. We live in a competitive society, and it's bad enough not to have money for resources for competing, but it's worse to not even know what resources you're missing. If you knew, at least you have a chance of gleaning them or fighting for them. But if, for instance, you never heard of "test prep", you won't seek free or subsidized test prep for your smart, promising kid -- but your kid will be competing for college admission against kids who had it.

[scifantasy.livejournal.com]

(Can I just say for the record that having the person who wrote so eloquently on a different sort of tribalism--and this strikes me as similar, a sort of economic tribalism--agree with me on this is geeking me out just a little?)

Right. I'm now thinking of "Prep for Prep," which is a program for students of color in New York City, placing them in the expensive private/prep schools (like, ahem, mine). It's not just about the money (though that's a lot of it); it's also the support network and resources, and improving the economic diversity of the schools. Hell, by the standards of my school, I pretty much was the middle class. (Which says a lot.)

[mermaidlady]

I found this article interesting.

[siderea]

Thank you so much for pointing me at that. It's been a topic I've been discussing a lot with people all over the place, and it really nails it.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Well said. The more we live in enclaves surrounded by people just like us, the less we see that there are people profoundly unlike us.

[starcat-jewel.livejournal.com]

I agree with this, with the caveat that sometimes it's also about empathy, or the lack thereof. Ken Lay grew up dirt-poor, and all it did to him was make him greedy and selfish -- he had clawed his own way out of the swamp, but he had no empathy for those still trapped there. (And probably also a bad case of, "If I could do it, then anyone can do it," which doesn't allow for either individual variation or just plain luck.)

You have to be able to (1) see your own privilege, which can be a very threatening thing, and (2) see those without your access to privilege as actual people, not just spear-carriers in the story of your life. And a number of people fail on either or both of those points.